Amanda Renee Walker

the follow up.

2011-10-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

since I wrote earlier this week about why I wouldn't marry a pastor, I want to share who I would totally marry... a hipster.

if this term hipster is a bit foreign to you go here.

now that we've got that cleared up here are my reasons for marrying a hipster...

He would know all the cool places in town
- I would never have to wonder where to find shows, what new events are going on, and where a cool place to eat is, he would be on the in on everything.

He will love artsy photos
- The only thing I want to spend a big chunk of change on for my wedding is a photographer (or 4) and a honeymoon to Jamaica... he has to be down with this.
- One word, instagram. When we start dating we will take such cute pictures people will probably puke and then stop following us. And by cute I don't mean kissy photos, those aren't cute.

Our styles will match
- Lets face it, with short shaved brown hair, piercings, and tattoos I can't exactly marry an Abercrombie model. I mean he will be hot in his Ray Bans and plaid, he just will look more homeless than clean-cut... and I'll love it. This also means he will be done for wedding ring tattoos.. glorious!

He will always know the latest viral youtube video
- I like to laugh and he will always know how to get me laughing... hopefully with cats!

He will like living on love
- One day I would love to have a lot of money but until then I want to refinish thrifted furniture, shop at second hand stores, and live off groupon. We will have to be creative and it'll be great.

the reasons.

2011-10-25T21:17:00.001-07:00

After a brief hiatus, I'm ready to write again!

I journaled a while ago all the reasons why I didn't want to marry a pastor. I think its pretty clever so I'm going to share it with you.

{Let me preface this by saying I love the pastor's wifes in my life. They are class acts. I just don't dream about marrying a pastor like most christian girls my age. I'm up for whatever God has for me I'd just rather him not have a pulpit.}

- "My beautiful, amazing, wonderful wife" Barf! I wanna be described as super fun, crafty, goofy wife, who cares how hot I am

- I don't belong on the worship team. As much as I like to sing in the shower and play air drums, I have no musical ability.

- I really want our mission field to be my husband's coworkers, my son's football team, and our neighborhood. I just like English and running water too much.

- The last three guys I have dated have wanted to be pastors and look were that got me... no thanks.

- I wanna open a restaurant and be a marriage counselor. Nuff said.

the weekly surf.

2011-08-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

my brain is all over the place so today will be about the things online I love....

oh my word I would love this.
this will be on my wall one day.
is it bad that I already have my save the date card picked out?
so excited for my lovely friend Chelsea and her baby GIRL!
instead of a backpack for school, I want this to start the internship with.
totally loving this organization!
favorite tattoo shop... i love ray!
the non-profit i'm working for... check it out!!!

the words.

2011-08-01T23:18:00.001-07:00

{a year ago a made myself write everyday for a month, it was hard but it was great. today just happens to be August 1st...its on!}

I've been exhausted all day but there is something about reading all my blogs that will probably just keep me up all night.

What I love the most about writing is our ability to make meaning through words. I can look back through old posts and know exactly how I was feeling or what I was going through because of the words that were used (and the fact that I was indeed there, but that is besides the point.) I write down important events to prove they were real, that those emotions really happened. I will right down important conversations in my planner just so that one day I can look back and remember how something started or what God was doing in that moment.

Words of affirmation are my love language, its not just about encouragement but about speaking faith. I want my words to prove to people that I'm on their side, that I believe in them.

On a side note I got my forth tattoo this weekend, "i promise" on my hand. "Saint", "BEloved", and now this...I really do love words!

the day I got two jobs.

2011-06-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

Today started like any other Tuesday. Well I can't say that because being in God's will, two days are never alike and it was my first Tuesday being 22 so really I should have expected greatness. Anywho Pastor Henry and I are in our morning huddle and he nonchalantly says, "You are the new Social Media Director of Impact" like its no big deal but I'm freaking out on the inside... So don't tell anyone but its kinds been a dream of mine to be the social media of an awesome business so when he said that I about fell out of my chair. I'm jazzed!

Then I got the best call from After School All Stars. Last week on my birthday, I had a interview with them to be a college mentor/counselor at a summer camp they are holding at UNLV. Its an awesome opportunity and a great organization. It was seriously the best interview ever, they loved me, I loved them..it was a love fest. The camp is in July but we have an afternoon training in June that I'm literally counting down the days till!

I can't really explain the feeling but to quote Lady Gaga, "I'm on the edge of glory" (I couldn't resist!) Like something really big is right around the corner and I just get the privilege of walking in it!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

the craptastic birthday.

2011-06-22T22:53:00.000-07:00

I have really been dreading 22.

There is just something about being a year older than 21 that just seems awful to me but I don't even think its the number, it is just where I am in my life. 21 was great and awful all in one year so I should be happy it was coming to an end but instead I just feel old. And lets be real, I jumped out of a plane last year, what could I ever do that would compare to that?!

I had an amazing day at work with cards and balloons from coworkers and my boss, then I went to an interview for a summer program with After School All Stars, which was phenominal. Dinner was at 8 with some of my closest friends at the best place to get sliders in las vegas Slidin' Thru HQ and then I went and played bingo at South Point, I didn't win but I was with great people. It really was a fun night but something felt like it was missing.

I'm lame to admit it but I'm sure it was my parents. They went out of town early that morning and it was weird to not eat at Chapalas with them like I have for every other birthday and open cards and eat too much chips and salsa. Deep down I love tradition, I love things to stay the same and to know what to expect but I am growing up and things are going to change.

I've started writing the night before my birthday about what I want for the next year...here is what I wrote for my 22nd year:

"I want 22 to be a 'plus 1' kinda year not just in my relationship status but in life. I always want there to be be a +1, more than enough joy, provision grace! Pressed down, shaken together, and running over!

I also know I will see the goodness of the Lord this year, no matter what is happening or not happening, I will remain confident in that fact. I wanna see his hand in everything and dwell in the big picture nt just get caught up in the snapshot.

Only 365 days...live it up!"

Even though I have been dreading 22, I know it will be good to me! Bring it!!

the big news.

2011-06-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

the summer before my senior year I was called into ministry. i can remember the exact moment God almost audibly told me that my life was meant for His purposes. i didn't know what that all meant so i just graduated high school and did what everyone else does, went to college. for four years i studied journalism thinking i wanted to be a reporter until i actually interned at a local station and wanted to poke my eyes out with a plastic fork. after prayer, pastor benny calling me an intern, and my mom's blessing i decided to put graduation on hold and become an intern at The Church at South Las Vegas. the school of ministry starts in september and i'm jazzed for what this next season has in store for me.

the insecurity.

2011-04-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

I love my hair.
I love how easy it is and how late I can sleep in because it takes like 2 seconds to do it.
I love that its memorable.
I love that I can get a $14 haircut from Super Cuts and its still cute.
I love that I could be Ellen for Halloween (I don't like that I still get called Ellen)
I love that I can shave it every year for KSig Bootcamp.

I don't however love that because of one comment I feel insanely insecure about my hair. Let me explain...

The last guy I was talking to (I say talking because we weren't dating but we weren't seeing other people other hence, talking) only knew me with short hair, rockin' hot short hair. So when he told me that his preference would be for me to have long hair I was bummed to say the least. I'm not one to change for a guy but hearing that he wasn't crazy about my appearance really affected me. Mark Driscoll talks about wives being their husbands standard of beauty. If she is a blonde, he loves blondes. If she dyes it red, he is crazy for gingers. So for him to say that basically said I don't love everything about you.

When we stopped talking I shaved my head for a philanthropy at school. It's the second year I have done this but this year I can not wait for it to grow out. I absolutely loathe how I look. Like I avoid mirrors and if you know me at all you know that is not normal, I'm confident and borderline coincided and here I am hating my appearance. Not okay. There were a few factors that ended the relationship but I have this feeling that its all me like I wasn't mature enough or spiritual enough or pretty enough to keep his attention so he left. That is a hard feeling to shake no matter how false it is.

Before you write comments about how stunning I am (you got the humor in that right?) All this hate for the exterior has really made me look inside. God's thoughts towards me outnumber the sand on all the beaches in the world and they are never "Amanda should really grow out her hair" or "I really should have made her body like that" He loves me for me, my character and personality and heart... not my hair. I wouldn't trade the inside for the hottest body or the most voluminous long hair.

I really miss the dude so most of this is probably from that hurt but this is what I keep hearing from Jesus...

"Know, oh Beloved
that you were not created in jest
or at random, but marvelously made
for some great end"

the question.

2011-04-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

It has to be because I'm graduating in December but lately it seems like all anybody wants to know these days is "What do you wanna do after college?" I cringe every time get asked those seven words because honestly I have no idea. Well strike that, I know what I want to do but its not some cute little answer like teach or graduate school. This is how I would like the conversation to go down.

Everyone and their mom: "So what do you want to do after college?"

Me: "I want to be on TV talking about style and cool things that are happening in the city. I would love to work in a restaurant, not Applebees but something cool and different like Slidin' Thru. I would love to work full time at The Church and get back involved in Seven. I would love to move to another state and go to Bible College. I am so down to start a family, well at least get married and start a home, kids can wait."

Everyone and their mom: (crickets) "Well ok, GO FOR IT!"

the best weekend ever.

2011-04-04T08:47:00.001-07:00

{on the heels of my life falling apart i was able to work one of the coolest jobs in my life}

Through a sorority sister who's mom works for Boyd Gaming, I was hooked up with Sharla McCoy. She is a sweet southern powerhouse who connects country artists with radio stations. With the ACMs in town, she got10 radio stations from all over the country into the Orleans for interviews with some of the biggest names in country music.

My job for the weekend was producers assistant, along with Shanna and Olivia we got all the artists into all the stations and timed their interviews. It was a first time for all of us but the opportunity of a lifetime. Rascal Flatts stopped by along with Darius Rucker, Jake Owen (OMG best looking guy in music), and my favorite: The Band Perry! At times there would be 4 or 5 artists on the floor and it was our responsibility to get them to all the stations while being as sweet as possible. It was incredible!!

Before we started Sharla mentioned that it wasn't by coincidence that we were all together this weekend and boy was she right! First of all just getting to work with her was phenomenal, I'm actually applying for a radio internship because of it. We prayed before we started and her faith was just the coolest. I worked with DJs from Pittsburgh, Ashville, and even Nashville and made some awesome connections.

I've always liked country music but this weekend just reminded me why I love it. The most down to earth, friendly people in the world! Singer/song writer Bridgette Tatum kept calling me Pink and was super friendly when we saw her at a show on Saturday night. Justin Moore told me I should be a model and The Band Perry are just the sweetest siblings you will ever meet! Country stars are just real, they love music and know that its because of the fans that they are where they are today.

Best. Weekend. Ever. Thank you Jesus for the perfect distraction and a possible future career!

the fool.

2011-04-03T17:13:00.000-07:00

i want to tell you a story. its about a boy and girl and L-O-V-E

***now before you start thinking that this is going to be about a boy who I think is a fool, keep reading.

this girl has been hurt before so opening up to someone scared the crap out of her, she couldn't imagine letting a guy into the deepest parts of her heart and letting him see the real her but it was his blue eyes, love for Jesus, and way of making her laugh that did it. she fell for him thinking that he was a safe place to fall into. they talked about everything from vacuuming to reading to dutch ovens. he said he wanted to marry her and she could totally see him in her every tomorrow. her parents were totally for the relationship and he told all his closest family and friends about this girl that God had brought into his life... things were great and even though they didn't know exactly were they were headed, they knew it was somewhere with each other and that was enough.

then pretty much out of nowhere he avoided her for almost 2 days... then just told her that he rushed into things, that there were red flags along the way that they both ignored, and that this couldn't continue... she was shocked to say the least. he knew about the guys who had let her down in the past and still that's exactly what he was doing. rather than being the only exception he was exactly like them. the integrity and character that she had so admired was nothing but a mask he could put on when he needed it and take off when he was done. in one simple phone call their whole life together crumbled, it was no longer "us" or "we" it was just her and her heart.

she feels so dumb... i feel so dumb. how could i let this happen again?! didn't i learn my lesson? hadn't i gotten better at spotting liars? i guess not. but as hard as it is i know God has a plan and a purpose for all of it and even though i really thought this was it and that i was looking into the eyes of the man i would grow old it will be better in the long run. i just have to believe that. i actually don't hold this against him. i should i ran right when i saw him coming, i was the fool.

the vision.

2011-02-14T20:23:00.000-08:00

Last week in my leadership class, the assignment was to write our vision for our lives in the next five years. I broke out into cold sweats because lets be real, I don't even know what I'm doing for Spring break! Here's what I wrote...

To be honest this assignment has been haunting me since it was assigned. It's not the writing of it that has been freaking me out, it's the content. I barely have the rest of the semester planned, let alone the next five years. But then I was driving home one night and Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten came on and it says all that I feel about this and spurred me on to write.

"I'm just beginning

The pen's in my hand

Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words

That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten”

One of my core values is family. The easiest part of my vision for five years when I’m 26 is that I will be married. We will be living in our own home and either have a child or getting ready to start a family. I’ve always wanted to get married young and just enjoy my husband for a while before we have kids. My problem with writing my vision is that as far a career goes I have two paths, total division. On one hand I could follow what I have been going to school the last four years for and just get a job at a local news station and work my way up to anchor. That would be cool, but that’s not the dream that keeps me up at night. The thing that has invaded my dreams and is on my mind all day is Blush.

Here is the picture/map of Blush... My best friend, Kathleen and I have been planning out this restaurant for almost a year now and since she has moved to San Diego she has met another girl, Savannah, who is totally on board. We are all very involved in non-profits, have hearts for injustice all over the world, and love food so we came up with an idea that could combine all three. It would be a cute boutique restaurant with delish food and even better desserts. We were also thinking about what every coffee shop is missing: enough electrical outlets and comfy chairs. Blush would have both with and abundance of outlets and a look like Anthropology so the chairs and decorations would be amazing. The best part of Blush is that after you order your food you would be handed a menu of nonprofits that 20% of the proceeds from your meal would go to, how cool is that? Our thinking behind this is that deep down everyone wants to help but some problems are so big people don’t know where to start so since you are going to be eating anyway, might as well be generous at the same time. Different organizations would be spotlighted every month. We would also love to have a little store in the restaurant that only sold stuff made by local artist as well as green items so that we reduce our carbon footprint.

One of the coolest things about this dream is that NBC has a new show coming out in March called “America’s Next Great Restaurant” where big wigs like Bobby Flay and the owner of Chipotle hear peoples ideas for the next great restaurant and if they like them not only will they financially back the project but they will serve as a mentor so on April 5, we are going to Los Angeles to audition.

What scares me the most about this vision is that I have absolutely no experience; I have a journalism degree for pete’s sake, but I feel like it is what I am supposed to do. That is the challenge in this whole thing but I totally think it is worth it. I have spoken to my family, friends, and even strangers about this and when I tell them they are totally supportive but if you really listen to them, there is doubt in their eyes, that freaks me out and energizes me at the same time.

the question.

2011-02-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

"How does it feel to be hit on everyday?"

Yeah. Someone really asked me that last week. I know he was talking about how he hits on me all the time but it really does happen quite a lot and yet I'm still single (try and read that without thinking that I'm a stuck up jerk because I meant it more like a statement than a brag) Then throw in the fact that its valentines day and you've really got me thinking.

I've actually had the best valentines day... This morning at Fox5 I got the phone number of an underwear model, was super productive at work, had an amazing dinner with my family, got a word search and suduko book, and am going to watch my favorite guys, Lambda Chi, play basketball. I would have been down to have a great date and a card that was more mushy then the one's from my parents but I'm content where I am.

But I would like to understand the dry spell like do I put off the "I don't need anyone vibe" or the "get away from me, you're grossing me out vibe" or is it the "I like girls vibe?" Because I know my hair is really short, but geez! I went to a small group last week to meet this guy that my parents are crazy about for me and nothing, like I'll be amazed if he remembers my name tomorrow night.

As much as I wanna wallow, I'm too blessed to be stressed. Exciting things are happening in my life and I love it. Forget boys, I just wanna dance!

(can you say ADD? this blog is all over the place! hopefully you followed and maybe enjoyed it a little bit)

the first day of school butterflies.

2011-01-17T22:33:00.000-08:00

God-
I have no idea why I'm so nervous for tomorrow. I don't know if its the fact that I will see mass amounts of sisters after the whole not-being-president-anymore-thing or just the fact that its my second to last semester until there is a completion date on my resume next to college. Or maybe its the fact that I'm not the same girl that I was in Fall 2010. Sure I look the same but I feel completely different on the inside. I feel closer to You and more sure of myself than ever before.

I'm interning at a real life new station where they report and film and edit real life news and I have two real jobs with real life responsibilities and I've come to terms with the fact that my love life is stagnant on purpose. I almost feel like I'm running out of time, like I only have one more year to really leave my mark on UNLV and I don't want to waste any time on petty stuff like who is talking about who and what we are doing Friday night. I want to squeeze every ounce of fun and purpose out of everyday. I want to love You with everything in me and I just want to enjoy the journey. Help me to steady myself, to slow down and sometimes just to stop and take in all that You have allowed me to be a part of.

God have your way with this semester. I trust that You have already prepared my steps and gone before me and I just pray You would continue to guide and direct me through it. I pray for divine encounters; bring new, exciting people into my path that will change and grow me. Strengthen the relationships I have now, let them go to new levels and on new adventures. God I pray this would be the best semester Sigma Kappa has ever seen. That we would continue to grow as sisters and as the amazing women we all are.

Thank you for Your faithfulness, that even when I'm faithless You remain. Thank You for mercy that is new each and every morning. And thank You for Your goodness and loving kindness that is pursuing me all the days of my life.

In Jesus' Precious Name,
Amen

p.s. while I was writing this, 'Amanda' by Boston came on randomly on iTunes. God loves me.

the cool guy.

2011-01-12T22:43:00.000-08:00

I think I watched just a little too much "Sex and the City" last night because all I wanted to do today was take myself out to dinner. Not take in a book or any homework to mask the fact that I'm eating by myself, just go out to dinner... by myself.

So I headed to Viva Michoacan for fresh guacamole and seviche (sooo good) The thing that is so great about eating alone is the service. I don't know if they feel bad or if they just want to make sure I'm taking enough but they come by so much and make sure my Coke is always full... its GREAT! But one server went just a little too far. He came up and started talking to me about where I was from, what I was going to school for, and if I studied fashion. It was funny, he thought I was from California because I was so stylish, really California? He even asked me for my email address to stay in contact, really?! What year is this? 1999?! In between dodging questions from this guy I had an epiphany about guys. Well really just one in particular....

It turns out boys really do like to think that they had the idea first. Take for instance cleaning around the house, getting you flowers, or how to get to a friends house... they want to think they had the idea first. This is exactly why guys like to do the pursuing. They don't just want to be in a relationship where we did all the work, they want to think that they had to work to get you.

There is one guy in the whole Greek system that I would even consider falling for (they are great guys, just not husband material) He is seriously cool. Like if you were to think of every cool thing in the world it would be this fella. And yeah I like him but its never gone anywhere, when we are together there is sorta kinda something but really nothing. Its not like I lose sleep over this gentleman I just don't get it. Like I'm pretty amazing, not conceded but I know who I am and it rocks so what is up with him? He just hasn't had the idea first. To him I am just Amanda not the Amanda he needs to make his girlfriend. No amount of conversation or texting would change that and after tonight that is totally fine with me. Ahh what a realization!

I don't want to be with a guy that I had to talk into a relationship, I want a guy who thinks I am the coolest thing since sliced bread and will do whatever it takes to change my Facebook relationship status. So let him take the ropes ladies! For now I will laugh and love Jesus and smell sunflowers and take myself to dinner and movies, he will come along eventually!

P.S. I will be ignoring any and all emails from my waiter friend, in case you were wondering :)

the new year.

2011-01-01T22:02:00.001-08:00

Oh hey 2011! Where does the time go?

As New Years was approaching I tried to figure out two things... 1. What am I going to do for my first legal New Years? and 2. What do I want for 2011? Both weren't answered till about 9pm on New Years Eve. I babysat till about 6pm that night and the whole day the plan was to go to a house party with all my besties because the thought of being anywhere near the strip made us throw up. As I was leaving the mansion I got word of an all day Lifetime movie marathon and that was it, all I wanted to do for the whole night was watch sappy movies. I ate dinner at Olive Garden and then settled in for movies. I fell asleep around 9:30 and woke up as the movie ended at 11pm. I had enough time to catch the local coverage of the strip and fireworks and was in bed by 1am. It was totally lame but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

As for what I want in 2011... This is the year of growth, I can feel it. I start my internship at Fox 5 on January 10th and come this time next year, I will be 22 and a college graduate. Crazy! I also feel like a certain mister will come into my life this year (fingers crossed for Hercules ;)) but who knows. I was watching Eat, Pray, Love the other night and believe I got these God-thoughts for the upcoming year...

- Ruin is the road to transformation
- After everything with the Presidency lately (getting elected, then losing it because of one
not so great semester of grades) I'm clinging to this truth
- The only way to heal is to trust
- I trusted way too quickly with Turner but it was a great lesson and I will have to trust
again before I can truly love.
-You don't need a man, you need a champion
- AMEN!

Then today I went and saw How Do You Know (movies are kind of my favorite thing ever) and the best line was "we are all just one small adjustment away from make our lives work" I just love that because as much as I want to have one big thing for 2011, I would much rather think in daily resolutions. To live and think that day by day I have the ability to change my tomorrow is how I want to face 2011.

"The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”
-Zephaniah 3:17

the greek god.

2011-01-01T21:22:00.001-08:00

Ok he isn't Greek and he isn't anywhere near a god but keep reading and it'll all make sense...

Because we are 21 and in Vegas last Monday we went to New York New York to check out all of their bars. First off was Nine Fine Irishman complete with a super cool live band and actual Irish men. After we explained how it was possible to live in Vegas and they professed there love for us we peaced out of there to hit the dueling piano bar, Bar at Time Square. FYI piano bars have to be my all time favorite thing about being 21. There is just something about "Don't Stop Believing" on a piano that rocks my world. While we were there we met some guys from Colorado that were pretty cool but one looked like Rob Kardashian which uped all their coolness. They hung out with us there and then followed us to Coyote Ugly. You are thinking about the movie and you are absolutely right. There were girls dancing on the bar, bras hanging from the ceiling and we had a ball! Any place that plays the Cupid Shuffle and the Macarena is my favorite! Then I see a group a plaid shirted guys, pretty normal except one of them has amazing curly hair (+50 points right there) Naturally I'm interested so I go over to talk to him and no joke his name is HERCULES (+10) We start talking and he is from South Africa (+50) and 23 (+20) and surfs (+40) and just graduated college (+70) and totally loved me (+48,000) Now I know I am just the farthest thing from shallow and quick to fall in love (ahh sarcasm) but there was something different about this guy. Like I meet a lot of scum at bars but he was different, he proposed! (+72,300,000) Too bad he was leaving the next morning or I probably would have taken him up on the offer. He got all my info, my all time favorite key, and hopefully we stay in touch. Who knows? Maybe a move across the pond is in my future ;) Here he is along with our Canadian friends...

the return.

2010-12-30T02:35:00.000-08:00

One of my last posts was from the first day of school. Seeing how I have know been out for 2 weeks, it's safe to say this was one hectic semester. Fall 2010 was full of Turner, late nights (babysitting and dancing), being on a boat, SODA, and Lincoln (my jeep, clever huh?) It was great but I'm loving Winter Break. Slowing down and sleeping in are such gifts and about as rare as a good guy these days so I'm fully embracing it.

I'm starting my internship at Fox 5 on January 10th and with only one year left of school I'm kinda freaking out about this whole growing up thing. It also is a little freaky that I will be 22 in 160 days. That is not a long time away! But with all this life change on the way, I don't wanna stop writing. This blog was started as a means to get over a guy but now its turned into my outlet. I handle issues in terms of blog posts and for some reason there is something therapeutic about writing for the whole world to see.

So yeah I'm back and ready to write. And until genius strikes again, here is this...

the foothill campus.

2010-09-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

I have the incredible privilege of being a part of the launch of our second campus of The Church at South Las Vegas. We have done what Starbucks has been doing for years; franchised! So now if you live around Foothill High School, Boulder City, or Black Mountain you can get the same worship experience as in Seven Hills but a lot closer to you!

It has been a long time in the making but is seriously the coolest thing I've every been apart of. We had our soft opening on August 29 and the only advertising we did was on our television show. Honestly I wasn't expecting anyone besides our ministry partners (I know, ye of little faith) and guess what! We had 3 first time guests and 2 people gave their hearts to the Lord! That's right two people who walked in headed for hell left as new creations! That's whats up! Then this week we had over one hundred adults, are you kidding me?! We meet in a high school theater so to turn a school into a church takes a lot of work and I'm telling you we have the best team in the world, set up starts for some at 6am and we aren't all done till around 2pm. Talk about a long day but these guys are the best!

God is just so good. People keep coming and are excited and its just fun. I think a lot of people think that ministry is boring or hard work but I'm telling you there is nothing better!

the first day of school.

2010-08-23T22:43:00.000-07:00

The summer of 21, staying up late, and sonic at 4am came to an end today when I pulled into UNLV at 8:30am. It has been the best summer of my life going to stoneys, skydiving, and laughing through it all but I was really excited about school starting. I thrive on a schedule, there is just somthing about a full planner that gets me going and honestly I just missed being in the SU with my sisters (I also really miss my nanny kids and can't wait to see them on Friday night.)

I didn't have class till 11:30 but since I'm a creature of habit I got there early, got a sweet parking spot, and went to the library to work on my online courses. I have only taken one other online course but this semester I somehow have two and I'm not going to lie, it kinda freaks me out. So I was the nerd watching the lectures online over starbucks today. Highlight of the day was definitely running into Marcus.. remember, my spanish stud? Yeah he was heading in for coffee and we played catch-up in line. I am telling you what, that guy gets better looking by the day!

My first class is media production and can I just say that I fell in love with broadcast again and all we did was go on a tour! Honestly I think I was just made for in front of the camera, I love it, not in like a creepy look-at-me-kind of way just a I-freakin'-love-everything-about-it kind of way. Then a fatty break before my 2:30 class was spent with Metro Pizza, freaking out over Redbull at UNLV, and not laughing loud enough for people to hate me. Then it was off to COM which is going to be my favorite class of the semester it's love and romance in the media and had my name written all over it. On of our first assignments to write up, in our opinion, the five most romantic movie. I'm going to share mine with y'all...

5. 50 First Dates: Classic Adam Sandler but when he says that he likes the fact that he gets to get her fall in love with him everyday I just melt. I think a major part of romance is consistency, sure spontaneous crap is nice but I love the day in and day out commitment to the relationship.

4. When Harry Met Sally: Going from best friends to lovers (I hate that word) is the most romantic thing ever. Somebody seeing you at your complete best and complete worst and still loving you is just beyond me. I love a guy that will stick around through thick and thin.

3. Beauty and The Beast: I still think love can change people and even though I am about as shallow as a kiddie pool (I could not love a beast) Belle could love beast past his appearance and attitude and that is romantic. And then in the end it is her love that brings him back to life, how do you beat that!?

2. The Notebook: This list would not be complete without this movie in it! Hands down most romantic movie ever. He built her dream house even after she had broken his heart and their love was stronger and strong enough to last into old age when she couldn't even remember who he was. Him getting up every day to read their love story to her to only get maybe a few moments with the woman he loves is sooooooooooo romantic.

1. The Passion of The Christ: I would be a fool to not include the single most romantic act in all of history in my list. Jesus Christ. my sinless savior laying down His own life in my place is beyond words. There is no greater love and Hollywood will never be able to top it! His love for me is too much to handle at times and completely ruins me!

There is my list but what is yours? Ill keep you updated on this great class and this whole semester because it is sure going to be one crazy ride!

the retreat.

2010-08-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend was our Sigma Kappa retreat and let me just say it was amazing. It was stupid awesome to be around all my incredible sisters for 4 days straight and really get to know them. There are just some things that will never be spoken about at meetings or while dancing at a party but when they are shared and the load is lightened something unreal happens.

My goal for retreat was not to just get the know my sisters but to fall in love with them because friends do things for each other and are there when you need them but love makes you act stupid and pushes you to do things you've never done before. Somewhere in between coffee dates and dancing in the rain and walks to the gas station it happened. I realized just how phenominal my sisters are, how strong and beautiful and unique they all are and how they all have something to add to the chapter. All of us together form a sisterhood that can make a world of diffence and have a great time doing it.

It is bizzare how much God has used these ladies to teach me about life and love and how much He is using me to do the same. Sigma Kappa is more than letters and cute shirts and philanthropy. It's not just sisterhood events and socials. It's something so much bigger than meetings and intermurals. It is girls growing into women and living life to the fullest and realizing who they are supposed to be and walking with their head held high knowing they have sisters all over the world who have their back. I am so thankful for Sigma Kappa and for the 60+ ladies I am honored to call sister.

the only exception.

2010-08-10T14:37:00.000-07:00

"When I was younger I saw my daddy
cry and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and
I watched as he tried to re-assemble it.
And my mamma swore she would
never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if does not exist.
But darling..
You are the only exception
Maybe I know somewhere deep in
my soul that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways
to make it alone or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable, distance.
And up until now I swore to myself
that I'm content with loneliness,
'cause none of it was ever worth the risk.
But you are the only exception
I've got a tight grip on reality,
but I can't let go of whats part of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up,
leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.
Whooa..
You are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing.."

I think this song by Paramore is the bees knees and will totally be played at my wedding. It just perfectly sums up how I feel about the future love of my life. I hang out with a lot of guys but they are all friends. They are all great and we have so much fun but no butterflies. I get to the point where I just think its never going to happen but I know that he will be the only exception.

He will be the one to make me believe in love again...

{this is the cheesiest blog of my life but its that time of the month and I feel like it}

the break-up.

2010-07-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

I feel like everyone around me lately has gone through a break-up and the crazy thing about those is that even though I'm not even close to a relationship, I feel for them. Like no matter how much time passes, you can still feel that pain and understand what they are going through.

Break ups suck but they are the perfect time to start over. A reinvention.

It's usually around them that I cut off all my hair, change the color, get a tanning membership, lose weight, find a new style, listen to new music, or pick up a new hobby. Whatever it is, it's different. More than just changing the outside, it's a great time to look inside. This blog was actually started for that. Some tool box broke my heart and I started to write about it. It was during that writing that I realized a lot of junk in me that needed to change and my responsibility in the relationship ending.

But we shouldn't wait for a break up to change our lives. If there is something you have wanted to try or do or see, go for it today! Say what you have been wanting to say to that cute guy you see every day, jump out of a plane without worrying about death, cut all your hair off it'll be super cute, and plan that vacation you have always wanted to take, even if it is a solo trip!

Every exit is an entrance to somewhere else.

the virgin.

2010-07-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

¹³ You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. ¹⁴ And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.

¹⁵ Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! ¹⁶ And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”¹⁷ But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

¹⁸ Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. ¹⁹ Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself

1 Corinthians 6:13-19

I was the girl in every youth group that was excited for lock-ins because of the possibilities of guys being there and the girl who always had a crush or two and who threw up a little when purity was even mentioned. I wasn't a hussy, I didn't even have my first kiss till I was 16 but I was boy crazy. And I really didn't understand purity. I always felt like it was work, like it was something that needed to always be on my mind and included never having any fun and never even looking at guys. So naturally, I hated it.

My first boyfriend was during Junior year and he was my first love (I thought so at the time.) We pushed some limits but never went all the way. I got out of it still a virgin but completely heart broken. Then came along the one that almost married me, even being almost engaged I still held on to that virginity, even though my heart was a mess. And finally the last winner I dated, neither of us even knew what purity meant but we never did the no pants dance so we were good right? I held tight to a title without ever thinking about my heart but what I have learned over time is just how closely those two are related.

My body is not my own. I was bought with a price, a sinless savior had to die to pay my ransom. All I deserved He took and all He deserved I have been given. So sex is natural? Its what we are supposed to do? No. I'm made in the image of God to give glory to Him alone. Sex is a beautiful, awesome, amazing thing (I hear) but only in marriage, not just for any Joe that comes along and tells me I'm hot. Sex is a cut covenant, like in the old movies when people would cut their palms and then shake on it. It's a contract making two people one person. It's says "yes we are in this together and I'm not going anywhere" Call me crazy but I will wait for that over just a fling any day.

I can not even kiss a guy without comparing him to Disney movie stars. So how in the world could I have sex?! It's not in me because I'm joined with God, I'm in relationship with Him so I can't go around making these covenants outside of marriage. It's more than just a great feeling or something fun to do, it is two people becoming one, something we have taken so lightly that now it doesn't mean anything at all, especially not love.

the definition.

2010-07-20T15:31:00.000-07:00

8 days is far too long to go without writing but I don't have internet where I'm house sitting and the withdrawals have been way too much to handle. Anyway I have been thinking an chewing on this thought ever since I got the text and now I'm sharing it with you.

"Contentment = If God hasn't given it, I don't need it"

I was reading over this blog today and looking back at where I have been in the past two years and talk about a crazy ride. It's been through break ups, crushes, new jobs, a condo, new friends, a stepfather, new experiences, and its been amazing, but talk about a journey! I have gone from a girl who wanted to be married more than life itself to a woman who is loving life, enjoying the ride, and scared to death about the idea of a boyfriend. Maybe not scared to death but very much not interested. Sure I still like guys (especially ones that when you squint kinda look like Zac Efron) but I'm just not in a hurry. I'm 21 and single. I want to live life, now don't take that the wrong way. I'm not going to be stupid and jeopardize my future but I'm just really enjoying the present.

That quote is changing my life. Here is my definition of contentment...

Contentment = going out with no make-up on and feeling beautiful (not just on the inside), going to bed at 8pm if you feel like it, staying out till 2am if you feel like it, perma-smile, house sitting because its the perfect job for a single girl, memorizing the moments that make your heart explode, living on the edge, saying yes when everything in you screams no, not being text back and being 100% ok with it, taking myself to movies, waking up and thinking about Jesus, going to bed thinking about Jesus, stuffing my face at a restaurant and not even worrying about my thighs, LOVING LIFE.

the jump.

2010-07-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

http://www.lifepursuitvideo.com/asppublic/Video91935.aspx?VF=38931

email: amandawalker3@gmail.com
zip code: 89074

The video is super embarrasing but since I love y'all, I am sharing it.

Skydiving with my best friend was honestly the best day of my life. We woke up that Saturday morning in Newport Beach, we had spent the night at a good friends house after hearing Lisa Bevere speak at Newport Church. We ate our "last supper" at Alta this fabulous little cafe in Newport and then we hit the road. We listened the the England vs. USA game of the World Cup (the one and only game I paid any attention to) on the way there. The weird part is how calm we were. I think I was more nervous about how not nervous I was about the jump (weird right?) I think I was so calm because I knew where I going to land, either on the ground or in Heaven.

Talk about security. I have nothing to worry about, I know where what the future holds. Not necessarily the exact details but I know I will see the goodness of the Lord (Psalm 27:13) , I know He has my best interests at heart and His plans for me are good and plans to prosper me, of hope and of a future (jeremiah 29:11) That is what I would hope for everyone reading this. You not only get redemption through Jesus but also hope and a future. Who else offers that and actually follows through?!

So we got all harnessed up, got in the plane, and took off. Still not nervous, it was weird. Then I got really cozy with my tandum jumper and next thing I know, we are jumping from a plane 13,ooo feet in the air. The free fall was the best part hands down. The wind was blowing in my hair and I could literally feel it all over my body and into my shoes, soooo cool!! Then the parachute popped out and we began our landing. It was beautiful and peaceful and so easy. I couldn't believe I was doing it. Aside from feeling like I was going to hurt all afternoon, it was amazing!!

the least favorite day of the year.

2010-06-20T22:56:00.000-07:00

okay so I'm sure if you are a dad or have a good day you would disagree with the title, but this is not your blog so there I said it I loathe father's day. why? three reasons:

1. father's day cards: I need one for my deadbeat dad who only calls when he has a coupon to Chapalas and then when we do go out he talks over me. Don't get me wrong, I love him but you just can't find a card that says thanks for never treating your mental illness, leaving your pot in the garage, divorcing my mom, and then sherking all your fatherly duties. Then I need one for my amazing pretend dads but they just don't make those either. It is hard to put into words how much I love and am thankful to have Brad Carlson and Henry Sneed in my life. Talk about loving unconditionally and showing an awesome example of what a Godly man looks like. I should get them a card a day and that still wouldn't be enough to say just how thankful I am of them. Then I guess I have to get one for my Barry but that is still new to me and just saying 'stepdad' is weird but they don't make thanks-for-making-my-mom-happy cards.

2. everybody else gushing about how great their dad is: seriously I just shouldn't have gone on facebook today because it was just status after status of "I have the best dad ever" "I wouldn't be who I am today without my dad" "I can't even started to list all I have learned from my dad" and blah blah blah I'm happy that there are excellent amazing dads out there I just wish I would have gotten one. Best thing I could ever give my child, a good dad.

3. "but you have a Heavenly Father": When you have a crappy dad that is honestly the worst thing to hear. I lucked out and even having a lamestain of a father, I don't have a wrong image of God as my Daddy but it such a cop out for someone to say this to you. Tell me your sorry that my dad is a buster, hey even talk to me about it but just to say oh well good thing you have a good Father in heaven is like stepping on my toe when you know it already hurts. I would have traded my right arm to have a dad that would just take me for ice cream because he wanted to be around me, or that I could have cried on when I had a bad day at school, or I could have asked questions about the Bible when something didn't make sense, or I could call when my car need gas, or could tell me before dates that any guy would be stupid not to fall in love with me, or take me in his arms and tell me that everything was going to be alright when my whole world was falling apart. I missed out on all of that even having the best Heavenly Father. Don't get me wrong I would be even more of a mess without God. It's just that every girl needs a dad. A real, live guy who is always there for her.

I'm not writing this to throw a pity party or to highlight my daddy issues I just know I can't be the only one who feels like this today. maybe it will change when I get an amazing father-in-law or when my dad gets saved (in Jesus name) or maybe just maybe when my husband becomes a father but until then I will just hope Father's day goes by really fast.

the man rant.

2010-06-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

after my last massive post I will keep this short and sweet.

I'm ready for men to stand up.. strike that I just want one really cool guy to stand up. to stand up for his purity, for his believes, for his future, and for me.

Can just one guy not just be enamored with me but be interesting and living life so that I will be interested in him?!

and can he come soon please?

the weekend when everything went wrong.

2010-06-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

I turned 21 on Wednesday and my mom surprised me with a trip to San Diego to spend the weekend with my best friend Kathleen Curry. Just in case that wasn't enough we also got a prepaid trip to skydive. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! I was jazzed.

I got on my flight Thursday night and was ready for a weekend of fun! I was on the phone with ms. Curry when I realized my luggage wasn't coming off the carousel (fabulous) so I walked my happy heiny over to the Southwest Baggage desk and asked what was up... my luggage was in deed lost between here and San Diego (one hour must be too long to trust Southwest with your luggage) Joshua reassured us that we would probably get it in a few hours but we were supposed to be at In Cahoots at 6:30 for our line dancing lesson. I tried to buy something at Forever 21 to replace the smokin' outfit I had planned for the night but lets be real, you can not go to a country bar without cowboy boots so when my luggage was still not found at 8pm and Chevys does not sell margaritas to go (weird!) we decided to call it a night and do arts and crafts and watch Leap Year.

Friday morning rolls around and still no luggage but we got a lovely call at 6am (ungodly time on a vacation) saying that they could confirm that it would arrive before noon. Just so happens that the plan for Friday was to get a cute breakfast and then head up to some vineyards on our way to Newport for the night but since I still didn't have a toothbrush at 11am those plans were gonna change. There was a cute restaurant Kath has been wanting to try called The Yellow Deli so we made plans to meet a friend of hers there at 3 for a late lunch before heading up to Newport to see Lisa Bevere. It's been rumored that the owners of the deli are apart of a cult and when we started talking to them, the rumors might be true. Turns out the restaurant closes at 3pm on Friday's because they observe the sabbath starting at sun down so we got a tour of the restaurant but had to eat somewhere else (we should have expected it.) After finish pizza and great conversation we were off to Newport. Imagine (Newport Church's woman's ministry) is unreal. Literally made me love sisterhood and what God has called us to be as women. Lisa Bevere had a word just for me and it was a great night. We were supposed to drive to LA for dinner that night but service got out late so we decided to just eat somewhere in Newport, but I forget that I wasn't in Las Vegas and things close at a reasonable time. We ended up just getting Kashi frozen meals and watching You've Got Mail. Good night!

Kathleen and I woke up on Saturday praying because today was the day we would be jumping out of a plane 13,000 miles above the ground! We had our last supper (breakfast) at this cute place called Alta but were strangely calm and excited for the day. We just talked about dreams and how we were so glad God made this day just for us. I'm going to save all the details of the jump for another post with video included so keep checking back for that! After we survived the jump we got lunch at Boston Market (Chik-fil-a was under construction) because we were starving and then went home to get ready for a fancy dinner in Old Town. I was surprised with all my Urban friends! It was fun to catch up and finally try a real margarita and by try I mean have one sip and be totally grossed out. I'm a horrible 21 year old and loving it.

Sunday I got to attend a service at The City Church San Diego (go to the website and podcast them, GREAT church) They are in the middle of Man Month for Father's Day and this week was awesome. Great to be in another state and know that God is moving and calling people to Himself, I love it. After I was starved (I'm noticing a theme) and was super craving Chik-fil-a, in all my hunger I forgot that they are closed on Sundays. Fail. I settled for Rubio's and some good Kathiter conversation. I couldn't believe the weekend was already over but was oddly in awe when I saw the strip out the airplane window.

That's the weird thing about plans even though they are made and clung to, sometimes they are so much better when they are thrown out the window and the moment is enjoyed more than the schedule. Thanks Mom, Barry, and Kathleen for an unforgettable 21!

the real reason.

2010-06-09T01:18:00.000-07:00

71 minutes ago I crossed over the awkward bridge of 18-21 and entered adulthood. I am now 21, can buy liquor, gamble, play bingo, get into Stoney's, and at some places rent a car. Even with my big count down I have still been dreading this day.

Why? The rest of the world anxiously awaits the day and then ends up not even remembering it, but I see it as a mile marker. A spot to stop and think about my first 21 years and believe and dream about my next 21.

Up until 79 minutes ago I was an anomaly. I was working at one of the fastest growing churches in America under 21, I was not drinking because it was illegal (don't worry I still haven't had a drink) and had hopes of being married before I could legally drink.

Now I have to be extraordinary on my own. I'm over 21 so its more understandable that I have the job that I do. Now I need an excuse not to drink that isn't just the law and nobody liked it enough to put a ring on it (thank goodness.) Now I have to stand out just being me, not for the fact that I'm only 20 doing the things I'm doing. I have to have convictions that are deeper than just the law of the land and I have to be okay being 21 and very single.

Not that these are bad things they are just who I am now. I'm stepping in to a new role, time for a costume change and a new script. It is new and different.

I'm not going to have a pity party the entire day but it is weird. Crap if time keeps going by this fast I'm going to be 30 in no time, maybe I'm okay waiting that long to get married... ah who am I kidding? Well that is all the ranting of my mid-life crisis, thank goodness it was just one blog post and not a tiny red sport car or an affair.

the date.

2010-06-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

I went on my first date in a year last Wednesday. I was nervous and worried but since this guy got the guts to ask me, I went.

I don't even really know what I want to write about concerning this whole situation. If I want to talk about the conversation that we had, or how I was pleasantly surprised by him, or the second date. But since I am vain I'll just talk about my feelings. He said something when we were together this Wednesday that has been nagging me ever since.

"After about 5 dates we will be a couple right?"

HECK NO! (I was going to uncensor that but that's just not me) I am in zero rush to be a couple. As much as I talk about it, the whole boyfriend idea freaks me out, the expectations and titles are just too much, especially after only 2 dates and a handful of texts. I had a great time with him and would go out with him in a heartbeat but should I know or want to make it facebook official after only 2 dates?

I hear stories all the time of people meeting their future spouse and right when they see them they just know. Well I don't know. I thought I knew with Travis and Dan and look at where those ended up... my knower must be busted. And even if I'm not supposed to know right now, how should I feel after only 2 dates? Is it wrong that I check my phone hoping for a text message or wish we hung out more or find myself thinking about him at the most random times like in the shower or those moments right before I fall asleep? Ahhh!!! There are definitely no books at the Christian Book Store about this!! I don't want to hurt him but I just don't know and don't even know what I should know.

But even when I don't know, I know the One who does. The One who has written my days and holds my future in His hands. All I have to do is get to know Him. So for today I will wake up and live my life to the fullest, breath in every moment, and not worry about knowing because He does.

the gap.

2010-05-11T23:41:00.000-07:00

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

I know I have been M.I.A. for a while (now the blogisphere can let out a collective sigh of relief since I'm indeed still alive) rather than writing I'm just going to post some picture to fill in the gap :) here is what you have missed:

I went to Romayne's baptism...

I attended my first foam party...

I bust a move...

I met Justin Bieber...

I got the big brother I've always wanted...

I learned my Big looks like Cher, I, however do not look like her gay daughter/son...

I participated in Ultraviolet...

I shaved my head for charity...

I peed on the floor of the Student Union...JUST KIDDING!

I threw a White Trash Trailor Bash...

I celebrated Jordan's 18th Birthday...

I planned Lavender and Lace, our Semi-Formal...

I went to GC Conference with the interns and we were... Found...

I was Clyde to Jordan's Bonnie at our Cops and Robbers Social...

I saw a large man...

I cheered on the Runnin' Rebels...

and now summer is here so you will be hearing from me more often :) feels good to be back!

the rose.

2010-03-21T22:37:00.000-07:00

Today a rose was left on my car. The details are not important to this blog but it made me start to think about pursuing.

I love the pursuit, probably more than the relationship itself. Yes that is a bad thing and yes God is changing me. But lets be honest that is the best part. The butterflies and the surprises are endless and all the text messages just make you fall for him. But as good and fun as all that is you know when its not right. Not like its bad its just not what is supposed to be happening in your life. And as sweet and cute as it is, its just not right. But "you will know when it is right." Well that's what they say... right?

I know that feeling, that feeling when you are falling for The One and it is totally perfect. That happened for me during the summer of 2006. He wasn't one of the students or even a leader on the trip with us to camp but that summer I met my match. Turns out He was born in a barn, a totally Daddy's Boy, and ate with criminals and prostitutes... totally my type. He didn't have a ton of friends, just 12 that didn't really fit in anywhere else. He traveled around doing crazy stuff like feeding a crap load of people with just a sack lunch and just one touch of his clothes could stop the worst period symptoms. And He was bad. He went into churches and overturned tables and yelled at political leaders. Talk about my kind of guy. He was everything I ever wanted, faithful to a fault, loving, and would literally die for me.

That summer I met The One. Jesus wooed me from the moment I felt His prescence in worship. I could feel Him closer than skin and I knew it was a forever thing, He wasn't going anywhere. He won me over when we were outside surrounded by mountains and screaming "HE IS IT" and I actually believed it. I knew He was The One when He called me to ministry. I wasn't just saved, I was called to the purpose of God and with Him there would never be a dull moment.

Yep, that is The One and just like I knew it was right with Him, I will know it is right with him. I am a firm believer that when God made me, He made him. That there is a cheese to my macaroni out there. Not that the cheese can't stand alone. I mean come on, what is better then string cheese or cheese squares? But something magical happens when you have the perfectly cooked macaroni mixed with the goodness of cheese. And just like you know when the mac and cheese is ready to eat, you will know when you are looking in the face of the one just for you.

But for now I have The One and my heart could burst with love for Him. And yes I have big dreams that he definitely needs to be in the picture for but I want the right one in the perfect time. And with my man, all things are possible.

the best friend.

2010-03-08T22:17:00.000-08:00

rather than crying myself to sleep about this I figured I would write about it.

I have written about Kathleen Rebecca Curry before but when someone makes such an impact on someone its understandable for them to repeat themselves.

I don't even think I can put into words the marks this girl has left on my heart. Marks of hope and love and unreal friendship that only happen once in a while. I miss everything about her living in the same city (and same house) as me. I miss my frozen yogurt, getting ready in the morning, grocery shopping, 7-11 coffee, crazy adventures and dreaming buddy. I'm not the same since she has left and miss her dreadfully. I don't want this to sound like an obituary or something but there is something about having your best friend move away that just sucks. Especially when Kathiter is your best friend. I called her on Sunday after hearing Brian Houston preach at church and told her that he just draws dreams out of people but the same is to be said about her. Kath makes me want to do more and be more and love more and man i miss that girl.

I pray I can be this kind of friend to someone because everyone needs a Kathleen.

the writers block.

2010-03-06T15:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in a while...

I've blamed it on lots of things like too much to do or not knowing what to say but the truth is that I don't want to write...

usually I write to get something off my chest or to throw someone under the bus or to brag about something but lately what I have been feeling and going through isn't blog material. heck I don't know if its even conversation material.

so to get back into the swing of things I'll write about grey's anatomy. that's safe.

I'm watching the valentines episode (because i like torture..) The roof at a resturant collapsed so the OR was flooded with victims... one of the waiters has been in love with a frequent costomer for 15 years... he watched her date, helped the man propose, and now has watched the marriage completely fall apart all still in love. the husband is in serious condition and so the server pays a doctor to be next to her... he says that all he wants to do is take her hand and tell her that she never has to be alone, unless she wants to be.

I would love to hear that. I preached a few weeks ago about the heart of God and how He wants all of us... it's this stupid Sacred Singleness book I have been reading about being so in love with the Lord that if a man never comes you are ok and making the most of your single life. I'm trying to get there and it feels like my world is falling apart in the process. I long for companionship, someone to do life with. My mom got married, my best friend moved away and while I gained 80 sisters... something is still missing. him. It is a day by day thing, being okay with where I am but its not easy.

I want great relationships for everyone. it kills me to see problems between people, guys treating girls like crap because they don't have the balls to break up, relationships that should end but are staying together because they have been together for so long, girls taking great guys for granted, guys falling for girls that aren't right for them or guys missing out on something great right in front of them. but what can you do? people make their own decisions and all we can do is love them through it. so while life is lonely, I get the rare opportunity to look in, to be a shoulder to cry on, and a laugh to share when things are great, even if that means being those things for myself as well, but thats life and its too short to wollow (pity parties are only good for a while, then the guests must leave) put one foot in front of the other... keep writing... and make your appointment at The Pretty Kitty ;) because the best is yet to come... hopefully.

the coolest thing ever.

2010-02-03T23:12:00.000-08:00

Wanna hear the coolest story ever?

Doesn't matter, I'm going to tell you regardless :)

Today I was walking to 7-11 for a pickle with some of my sisters I ran into Markus (remember him? asleep during movies, trying to kiss me? yeah him) so we hugged and small talked and he ended up walking with us.

While we are talking he says that I should be proud of him, he stopped smoking pot and hanging out with all his friends (I was super proud, I didn't say anything but honestly I think that is legit!) The small talk continues and he tells me how its really crazy we ran into each other because he was just thinking about me (ahhh he was thinking about me!!!) He was thinking about me because HE WANTS TO GO TO CHURCH. Yep you read that right... Markus the most interesting and gorgeous guy I have ever met that didn't want anything to do with God was asking me to take him to church. I just about passed out (but not really I kept it in quite well)

I just can't get over it. God is so good. He does all the work. If He chased me with His love, by golly he can chase Markus. The Holy Spirit is already starting to tug at his heart with what he was smoking and who he was hanging out with. We don't have to do the work, prayer is the work and then God works.

Thank goodness I didn't drop out of college freshman year like I wanted to. God has big plans for UNLV.

the edge of something huge.

2010-02-02T21:07:00.000-08:00

ever had that feeling like something huge is right around the corner, like you are so close you are going to run into it? no? oh yeah, me neither.

but really that is the only way to sum up. I'm reading this book called Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy which I have a feeling is going to change my life which makes me want to put the book down and read nonstop at the same time.

the first chapter was all about the verse when Jesus say take up your cross, deny yourself, and follow me somehow got turned into us thinking that He is going to make our lives rosy and exactly how we want them to be. it talked about being at a place where you are so contented with Jesus and Him being enough in your life that you would lay down anything for Him. even the desire for a love story.

that is hard. just saying those words is hard but I truly want to be there, in that place where I love Jesus so much, literally everything else is worthless compared to knowing Him.

it is much easier said than done but if that is where you are then we can be in this together!

the man rules.

2010-01-26T20:22:00.001-08:00

I found these on facebook today and I actually think they are really good.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are OUR rules:
Please note… these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!

1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:

* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1.If we get in to a fight, I have to sleep on the couch, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

the anthem.

2010-01-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

I'd be lying if I said valentines was my favorite time of the year. I have been super hopefully and have been optimistic about that day in february but I just don't know if I'll be able to handle it. When I turned 20, I made a list of all the things I want to see my 20th year and one of them was a sick awesome Valentines day... Please Jesus! I just want one guy to step up to the plate and see something in me that he has never seen before and make everyday not a total waste of lip-gloss and unlimited texting but until that glorious day... this is my anthem.

In the autumn on the ground, between the traffic and the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well
I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting till we're ready, till it's right
Love is waiting
It's my caution not the cold
there's no other hand that i would rather hold
the climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you
dont keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer now that you're my man
I could right a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart

the fast.

2010-01-13T22:48:00.001-08:00

This sunday as a church we started a 21 day fast and reading through the New Testament in 30 days. I don't know why exactly but I am stoked about it! I believe God is going to do something huge in our hearts and our church over the next month. I can't even really put into words what exactly I want in this month but for sure I want more of HIM... more of His word, His presence, His voice, His love, His joy, His peace, just...HIM! I can't wait to write after I read the last chapter in revelation and eat again. I know I will be full of Him and thankful for my time with Him.

If you would like I would love for you to read along with me. Just go here to get the reading plan. We are in Mark tomorrow so you aren't too far behind at all. Something happens when you devote time to the Alpha and Omega... I want to hear your story!

the year of men.

2010-01-13T22:33:00.001-08:00

Around New Years some girls had in their status' "2010, the year of men" I thought it was super clever and while I am believing for a super hunk to fall in love with me this year I believe God is challenging me to something more. I used to have this quote by my desk at work that basically said:

"if you really want to understand a man don't just listen to what he says, watch what he does"

I love that. I think that I'm pretty good at understanding people, I would get a gold medal at people watching and have taken enough college classes on interpersonal communication to write a book (not really, but kinda.) But guys are still a mystery (or at least Markus and the guido who don't seem to care that I adore them) so I really want to understand guys. I want to learn what makes them tick and why they do the things they do.

Kathleen's grandma gave her (and me) the best advice ever! She said to "date" every guy you know. Now granted not every guy I know is going to take me out to dinner and a movie because we would run out of movies and their wives would not appreciate that so what she is saying is to evaluate every guy I know for the qualities I want and would hate in a husband. It's been great and there is some much less heart break involved!

the first nine.

2010-01-13T21:59:00.001-08:00

January 9, 2010 was my first 9 to 21. In honor of this big day I got my first tattoo. I'm sorry it has taken me a while to share these with you but I went back to school this week and it have been a bit hectic but enough with the small talk.

My friend Taylor was supposed to go with me because like a year ago he promised he would hold my hand when I finally got the courage to get one. Well so much for that. My best friend in the whole world Danielle ended up going with me and capturing every moment on camera.

{I was freaked out of my mind, this was going to be on forever, did I love it? was it going to hurt? what if it turns out horrible? needless to say I was a wreck!}

{He put the stencil on first and honestly I still wasn't sure I loved what he drew (I know I should have been more picky but thank goodness he knew best!)}

{Seeing it on my arm totally made me fall in love and just wait till you see the final product!}

{He told me know to look and just to watch tv but after he started and I realized it didn't hurt, the advice went out the window.}

{I watched the whole thing, and it was the coolest think I have ever seen!!! Totally made me want to be a tattoo artist!}

{There she is!!! I kept waiting the whole time for him to ask me why I was getting 'saint' on my wrist and I had my whole "L.A. Ink" story ready but since he didn't ask, I'll tell you! I feel like the major theme of last year was learning who I am in Christ. I when people say "oh well we are just sinners" no you aren't! If you are born again and redeemed by the beautiful blood of Christ than you are a saint. Your sin is as far as the east is from the west and God remembers it no more! You are holy, set-apart!!! I wanted to get it on my wrist as a reminder of who my God has made me, its not because of anything I have done or will every do, its all by His grace!}

{Here is the man himself, my tattoo artist, Donavan!! Thanks, I LOVE IT!}

the nines.

2010-01-04T23:23:00.000-08:00

so it is exactly 154 days till i turn 21.

(if you know my bucket list, one thing will most likely never be crossed off)

and so i decided to do something big on the ninth of every month leading up to my birthday. sort of like a count down on steroids just without all the rage and shrinkage ;) meaning that this saturday, January 9th i will be getting my first tat! "Saint" written on my left wrist!! Here is the list but i need some help...

January 9th: Tattoo

February 9th:

March 9th:

April 9th:

May 9th:

June 9th: Finally 21!

I wanna fit skydiving into one of them but I don't know where!

the quote.

2010-01-02T23:00:00.002-08:00

"Know oh beloved
That you were not created in jest
Or at random, but marvelously made and for some great end"

I saw this on a sign at a store in Balboa called Art for the Soul and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I believe it is my mantra for life.

I want everyone I come in contact with to walk away knowing this.

1. That they are loved. Not just by me but by the Creator of the Universe

2. Them being in the planet is not a happy accident just left up to fate and random combustion.

3. They have a purpose. They can live every day with purpose knowing that they have something to do or see or be apart of that only they can see, do, or be apart of.

4. Greatness is in them waiting to be released.

the new decade.

2010-01-01T22:49:00.000-08:00

{for Friday January 1}

A “manifesto”, according to the Random House Dictionary, is “a public declaration of intentions, objectives, or motives”. Your personal manifesto, creed, or magna carta, is a set of rules or guidelines you’ve created for your life. Having a personal manifesto will help you make decisions that are in line with your values and the vision you have for your life.

I watched this movie once where the main character wrote a manifesto for her and her husband to live by and I thought it was just about the cutest thing in the world for a couple to do. But why should they have all the fun? So I wrote one for myself for this decade...

Manifesto of Amanda Renee Walker:

• To Laugh Loud
• To Sing Louder
• To Pursue Beauty and Wage an All Out War Against Ugliness
• To Never Stop Dreaming
• To When Faced With the Choice to Stay or Jump... JUMP!
• To Believe That God Really Can Move Mountains
• To Wherever You Are be Fully There
• To Count on, Rely on, Hold on, to The Truth
• To Be in Personal Pursuit of the Presence
• To Live Like You Mean It

And as for 2010, this is what I believe God is saying to me...

"Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away" - SOS 2:13

the last day of 2009.

2009-12-31T15:27:00.000-08:00

{for thursday, December 31}

i spent the last day of 2009 in Newport Beach with my beautiful friends Kathleen Rebecca Curry and Kelley Amber Puddy and honestly i would not have spent it any other way.

we woke up, had the best scrambled eggs in the world, got ready, and hit the streets. we went to balboa to walk around, eat frozen yogurt, and ride a ferry to the island. it was so nice to just walk around, look at ridiculously priced head bands, laugh, and basically just enjoy the presence of my best friend.

we got food from whole foods for dinner. i had this salad that literally changed my life, i am ruined for whole foods balsamic vinaigrette dressing! and ate it during the most beautiful sunset i have ever seen in my life at Laguna Beach. it was stunning! over dinner we talked about the things we wanted to leave behind in 2009 like regret, confusion, and discontentment (bet you can guess discontentment was mine.) and the things we are looking forward to in 2010 like close friends, spiritual growth, and rise up moments.

just incase that wasn't enough to make for a great end to a great year, we met Kelley's roomate at this place called Pelican Hill for literally the fanciest dessert i have ever had in my life. it was brillant as Kathleen would say :) then we went to a kickin' New Years Eve party, rang in the new year with style, and i'm proud to say that my first text convo of the year was was him.

Good year. Good God.

the real dad.

2009-12-30T15:29:00.000-08:00

{for Wednesday December 30}

today Sophie and I went to lunch with our dad. wooo the Red Lobster, classy. while i was talking to him i couldn't stop thinking about how much i look like him. its crazy i see so much of my face in him and just looking at him brings back so many memories. it was weird, i had this crazy urge to just cuddle with him while we were talking. him and i are not close at all but that was all i wanted to do. i think it is part of our dna as daughters, we want to be close to and feel the embrace of our father.

i have some great spiritual fathers but they can never hold me like only my real dad can. (i'm pretty sure their wives wouldn't appreciate that) its so weird even as i am writing this i'm getting teary eyed thinking about how nice it would be to be held my father.

praise God for a Heavenly Father who's always there and ready for an embrace. but girls who have good daddys...hug them for me, it'll make your heart happy.

the day.

2009-12-29T22:04:00.000-08:00

today i felt like a total 30-year-old still living at home.

7:45 - my father called me. is he crazy?

9:00 - rolled out of bed to eat breakfast

10:00 - got back in bed for more greek

12:30 - fell asleep for a good two hours

2:30 - up for some lunch

2:40 - talked myself into showering and doing something productive

3:04 - Tyshone called me to hang out

3:30 - went by office max to find a 2010 calendar and realized office max is a rip off and then went to the library to get Nicholas Spark's two most recent books and they were both checked out

4:05 - met up with the guys at smiths to look at magazine?

4:55 - went to two more libraries to check for the books with no luck

6:03 - talked to kathleen and finally decided to go to San Diego tomorrow

6:43 - had stuffed bell peppers (my favorite dinner) with mom and mr. barry

7:15 - watched and cried my eyes out to My Sisters Keeper

8:55 - Kk reminded me how boring my social life is

9:15 - did the fork in the garbage disposal dance (if you haven't seen it, youtube 'yes dance' because its hilarious)

11:45 - finished the 3rd season of greek and have to wait till January 25th to see of zbz burned down the gamma psi house.

and to finish off the night.. someone called me wholesome. fml. doesn't that just sound funny??

i'm ready for January 11th. or at least to go back to work next week.

the boxes.

2009-12-29T00:00:00.000-08:00

{for Monday December 28th}

i have this really romantic idea that my husband will read my blog and it will be one of the things that makes him fall in love with me. i know its lofty but a girl can dream right? i have been writing to my man since 2006 (man thats a long time) and all the notes go in this box:

Yep, its pretty cute, i know. its full of notes to him from days when i was missing him or when I hear something awesome at church or when God wakes me up to pray for him (it happened once and was so strong i should just start asking guys what they did on that day.) well for christmas i got the marvelous box below and it would soon be my cards box. because valentines is only really fun if you have a main squeeze so instead of getting super bitter i buy him a card every year and now they have a home in this box:

oh future love of my life you are going to be one lucky man... where are you?!

the night out that didn't happen.

2009-12-28T18:50:00.000-08:00

{for Sunday December 27th}

since winter break i feel like i have zero social life. i worked nonstop last week, had a great christmas and this whole week out so when Ceyda text me that she wanted to go do karaoke i was down. i was up in summerlin with nothing cute to wear so i went to Boca Park (fyi great shopping up there.) i got a cutie tootie outfit and was ready for a night out. so i head out and the traffic on flamingo was horrid. an HOUR later i got there and the fun started. we were just picking out songs when the security guard came over to check ids. great. so short story shorter. i got kicked out. and to make it even worse he was going to come. fml. hahaha that just makes me laugh :)

i miss my sisters.

the space between.

2009-12-26T23:24:00.000-08:00

so i've been reading this marvelous blog...

and it got me thinking about where i am in life.

i'm 20 so i'm an adult but not really because i can't go anywhere to dance or in the church vehicles or on a cruise till i'm 21 and i can't even rent a car until i'm 25. but i'm no longer a child because i can't order off the kids menu or get a price break at the movies anymore. but i'm also not a girlfriend, fiance, or wife making male female relationships and friendships with married people awkward.

weird place to be. but hey i can housesit, babysit, and pick which movie to watch like nobody's business.

the best Christmas ever.

2009-12-26T23:04:00.000-08:00

{for Friday, December 25th}

I don't use definitive words often but I totally mean it today. Today was truely the best Christmas ever.

I would have like to sleep in a little bit later but hey I have a little sister so 8am is sleeping in on Christmas morning. We went downstairs to the tree and I was amazed at what was underneath. My mom has had the this-year-is-going-to-be-a-small-Christmas talk with us girls the last 4 years and it has never been a small Christmas. Sophie got the WiiFit (best thing invented ever) and the nerf gun she has wanted along with an alarm clock, Guess Who extra, and white board markers (she is a special girl.) And my mom totally surprised me with my gifts. I have been eyeballing this purse and this necklace from Urban Outfitters forever and what do I open Christmas morning? Yep! I was beyond myself. I have one good mama. Who made out like a bandit this year. So that is what Chistmas morning looks like for a happily married couple!

Sophie hooked up the WiiFit and we all checked our BMI and Wii age before a very healthy and nutritious breakfast of cinnamin rolls and doughnuts. We all got ready and braved the movie theater to see The Blindside. Wow! Excellent movie of a Christian woman actually walking the walk. Go see it! We got there at the perfect time becasue when we walked out the place was packed!

Then we did some last minute shopping and headed over to Mr. Barry's mom's house for Christmas dinner. I have never enjoyed being Italian more in my life! The chicken angelo was to die for and me and Sophie killed every on in a game of Michigan Rummy (fun game, I can't wait to play again) And Sophie finished off the night with a rendition of Jingle Bells that would put Buddy the Elf to shame.

As great of a Christmas this was, I can't help but to think of how great they are going to be with my husband's family. Are they going to be crazy and loud or quite and awkward? Are we going to count down the days till we get to see them or are we going to try to plan ways to avoid the holidays? I don't know anything but I am excited for next year and the traditions to come.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

the home.

2009-12-25T10:22:00.001-08:00

{for Wednesday December 23rd}

I was reading this blog by my fabulous friend and it got me thinking about my home.

The house I live in now I have lived in since I was 5. It should feel like home right? Wrong. Don't get me wrong after a week a housesitting my bed feels like heaven but the house doesn't feel like home. I have had a zillion memories in that house and in that room but it still doesn't make me feel like I'm home.

When I lived at 700 Carnegie Street #1211, I was home. I loved being in that condo with my best friends. We only lived there for a summer but it was honestly the best time of my life. I loved doing my dishes and me and Kathleen's 30-minute-cleaning-sprints and her walking into my room asking me what I was going to wear in the morning and getting her and Stephanie ready for dates (I didn't go on one in that condo...lame) and making virgin margarittas with Stephanie. The three of us went to New York and lived life. I miss them dreadfully and I miss our home.

When I walk into The Church at South Las Vegas, I am home. One of the slides says "Welcome Home" and it is so fitting because that is my family. I love the weekends because I get to go home. I get to not only worship my Savior and get fed the Word of God but I also get to hang out with my family.

Where is your home? Is it where you sleep at night or is it where you go to meet Jesus? It's super corny and I never thought I would let my blog reach this level of cheese but I think home truely is where the heart is and right now my heart is in Long Island, Australia, and 3051 W. Horizon Ridge.

the holy spirit.

2009-12-24T22:36:00.000-08:00

{for Thursday December 24th}

"The same Holy Spirit that worked the miracle to bring Jesus into this world through a virgin

is alive and working in you and me.."

Pastor Benny said this tonight at our candlelight Christmas experience and as we were holding up our candles he asked us what we were believing for in 2010. I don't want to sound like a total girl but I truely am believing for my husband next year. The him to my her, the cheese to my macaroni, and the goof to my ball. I get the whole enjoying singleness thing and I do. I have had a ball this year with my bffs in the condo and now with my sisters but I ready for love. I'm ready to jump and land in his arms. To start that scary journey of giving my heart to someone. And I'm praying that it's God's will for 2010.

I love ministry but I'm ready for a ministry partner to do it along side me. My mom says she sees me as a pastor's wife. I always saw myself as one too but I now want to be a pastor, right next to my husband doing the work of the ministry. I'm ready to pray with him and believe God for huge things with him.

But not my will but Yours be done God...What are you believing God for in 2010?

the present.

2009-12-23T09:16:00.000-08:00

{for Tuesday December 22}

Tonight I had the privilege of taking a gift to this sweet sweet girl Logan. Her mom had called me a week earlier to put her on the giving tree at church. She called too late but her story just broke my heart so she was added. They were living in a house that was being loaned to them by the owner of a Christmas tree lot that her husband was working at. Logan was their only daughter and they didn't have enough to buy her any presents. Today she called to find the status of the present and told me that Logan's father had been arrested last night and Logan was with him. horrifiying to say the least. I asked her if they would be home tonight because Santa's elfs wanted to stop by early. Since their house was out in north Las Vegas, I drug one of our fabulous interns with me and we headed out. 30 minutes later we were there and our lives where about to change forever. The mom met us outside and told us that she had told Logan so we were all on the same page and hugged me like I have never been hugged before. she just kept saying thank you over and over again and I knew we were doing exactly what Jesus would do. we walked into this house that had just about everything you can imagine that could be thrown out all together on cement floors. Then I saw Logan. She is the sweetest thing you can imagine with brown bangs and big eyes that just melt your heart. I handed her the present and told her that Santa wanted me to make sure that she got her present early. She opened it and her face lit up after everything she pulled out of the bag. We got to talk to her mom for a bit and told them that even without a car they could still watch church on TV (pretty rad.) we exchanged another round of hugs and were on our way. As we were leaving Logan asked her mom if we would be back next Christmas. I wanted to take her home with me at that point!

As we were driving away it started to feel like Christmas. If I didnt recieve one present this year I would be a happy camper, I got everything I wanted tonight.

the boss/daddy.

2009-12-21T22:03:00.000-08:00

that was the name he gave this post... i was all for 'the early father's day present' but this works too.

i started working for pastor henry a year ago and man has it been a crazy year. it all started last summer when he asked me to go to Mexico as his assistant. we had a ball and i honestly thought i sucked at it but not even a month after we got back i was working as his assistant. in this year we started The Store which has literally blown up before our eyes, became entrusted with eight future leaders in the Kingdom of God, and planned a gynormous egg hunt at Easter. it has been quite the year but it has honestly been the best year of my life.

when i first started as his assistant, he sat me down knowing my whole dad story and told me that he wanted to be my spiritual father. i was blown away that this man that i hadn't even known a year wanted to be more involved in my life than my biological father. him being my dad has meant that he can call me out when i'm being an idiot, i can go to him for advice, but most of all it has meant that he has my back. most people would think that working for a parent or someone you are super close to would be weird or make you slack on the job but its the total opposite. i respect and love him and knowing that i represent him at work makes me work harder. but what is cool is i don't have to impress or gain his acceptance. pastor henry is the best at encouraging and cheering me on even when i am being a total stressed out buster.

God is so good. i fear being walked out and as much as i get frustrated and have a bad attitude pastor henry loves me through it. i am so thankful for him and have enjoyed this year so much.

here is to you PH! thanks for being the man! for speaking truth when i'm believing lies, for listening when i am just ticked off, and for believing in me when i don't know what i'm doing! you are the bomb!!

the laptop.

2009-12-20T22:50:00.000-08:00

i just have to share this christmas miracle with you...

we are doing the Giving Tree for families in need of help this holiday season where children are added to the tree and other families buy their christmas presents. when we were signing up kids this little boy came to fill out an information sheet, i looked for his mom because the parents are the ones that are supposed to fill them out but her english wasnt so great so i let him fill it out. he asked for a lot. my faith wasn't at an all time high so i asked him what else he likes to do and what else he wants for Christmas. but then the mom told me that they really need a laptop because they don't have a computer or a car and came to Vegas with nothing that they are believing God for a laptop. She said they would even be happy with a used one or an old one somebody wanted to get rid of, I couldn't help but join in in there prayer. they were added to the tree and i didn't think about it until a man picked it off. i was excited that he took the card but a part of me just thought that he would buy a toy or an outfit or something like that. well my mind was blown when the man turned in a heavy gift bag today with nothing other than a LAPTOP in it. talk about making Christmas dreams come true!!! i freaked out this morning and told everyone and there mom the story. if this doesn't prove that God cares about every detail of our life, i don't know what does!

the walls.

2009-12-20T21:48:00.000-08:00

{for Saturday December 20}

so tonight i went to a kickin' party at caesars (have i mentioned that hotel parties are my favorite? the music isn't loud enough but they just feel more classy than house parties) anywho it was with some of my favorite guys and i just had a ball. in the midst of small talk and my coke (yep coca-cola on the rocks in the classic red cup) this guy pulls me into one of the rooms. he does this celtic thing where we looked into each others eyes and whatever but then he got like super serious and read my email. what he said has been running through my head ever since. first he said that i'm young but i'm not immature, i think he just said that to make me stop messing around and take it serious so it kinda worked. but then it got even better he said use your walls to your advantage. at first i thought he was saying something else but when i realized what he was saying i really started listening. he said that i don't have walls to keep people out but rather to see how will care enough to tear them down. wow. he said that it might not be him and it might not be anyone i meet soon but i need to let people in. hmmmm.

ok so yeah this isn't earth shattering that just this morning I was talking with God and i said if He wants me to be single indefinitely than that was alright with me. i know i talk about relationships all the time and want to get married before i can legally drink but i am okay if that isn't my future. but then when he said this i realized why i want to be single. i'm too scared to fall in love. i don't want to get hurt again like at all. i don't want to wait around for texts, i don't want to miss someone when we are not together, i don't want any of that. i had a crush this semester and that hurt enough.

i don't know i just don't get it. need more of God and less time in my head :)

the 100th blog.

2009-12-19T00:45:00.000-08:00

its hard to believe that i have written 100 of these. this blog has been through just about everything with me: a break-up, markus, work, school, sigma kappa, best friends moving away, moving out, and of course my singleness. talk about a packed blog.

I have absolutely loved writing and I hope you have enjoyed reading just as much. So I want to hear from you, what do you want to talk about in the next 100 blogs? what have you enjoyed reading so far?

I wanna hear from you!

the relentless God.

2009-12-17T23:40:00.000-08:00

last night at the last seven of 2009 pastor jabin didn't even preach. well let me backtrack pre-service prayer that was supposed to go for 15 minutes went over 30 minutes! (that should have told us how incredible the night would be!) we started singing this amazingly anointed song by misty edwards.

You won't relent

Until You have it all

My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart

As a seal upon my arm

For there is love that is as strong as death

Jealousy demanding as the grave

And many waters cannot quench this love

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until You and I are one

it was over worship and prayer lasted the whole night and it was unreal. the presence of God was so thick and i fell in love with Him all over again.

take time in all this season's craziness to meet with the God of the universe. He's waiting...

♥

the tattoo.

2009-12-15T21:45:00.000-08:00

{for Sunday December 13}

I want a tattoo bad!

well like 10 tattoos so may by posting this I'll actually do it... maybe.

1. I want BEloved on my foot. In Louie Giglio's book I Am Not But I Know I Am he talks about how when God first told Moses His name, I am or Be, so not only am I BE loved but BE loved us by sending His Son... good stuff right?

2. I want Saint on my wrist, I love wrist tattoos and I love knowing that I'm no longer a sinner but a SAINT!

(Both of these tattoos just in black and in script font like this)

3. I want bows on the back of my ankles, no purpose really besides being freakin' cute.

(Like a simple black and white one of these.)

4. I want a simple diamond behind my ear like this but probably without the blue, I want all black and white tattoos.

5. And last for now but certainly not least a tiny heart in between a bra strap and a razor back like this:

I know some will think I'm a heathen for my unnatural love for tattoos but I don't care. I think they are beautiful and I want one and I want to marry someone with LOTS. mmmm!

the Jerry.

2009-12-15T11:48:00.001-08:00

{for monday December14}

That man is Jerry Andreoli. Mr. Barry's father and he is a great man.

He came over for dinner tonight because he is leaving for New York on Thursday to spend Christmas at the most magical place on earth (take that Disney lovers.) Well he sat next to me during dinner and we held hands for prayer. It was so sweet he rubbed my hand while Mr. Barry was praying. It wasn't creepy or trying to hard it was just a sweet gesture that made my heart melt. As hard as my mom tries to make these people my family, they are doing a fine job of that themselves. I know she has fallen in love with them so why can't she let me do the same. Thats the cool thing about the human heart, we can let absolute strangers in without asking for anything in return. The most me and Jerry have ever spoken about is New York and how much with both love the city and the Giants. And thats okay.

Let relationships grow. The journey is often the best part!

Merry Christmas from the Andreoli/Walker Clan!

the surf.

2009-12-15T10:42:00.000-08:00

I'm stealing this from my fabulous friend Chelsea.

Here are some of my favorite things online at the moment...

This blog makes me want to love Jesus and write more...

If santa brought me these for Christmas I would be a happy camper.

My BFFE sent me this link and its the bomb.com

This video cracks me up everytime... brainstorm!

I think this would look amazing in my room (hint, hint)

Our church app and cd both came out the week! Talk about good stocking stuffers!!

...and then this because, well why not. ;)

the letter.

2009-12-13T10:42:00.000-08:00

{for Wednesday December 16}

dear sisters-

first of all i have to say how incredibly honored i am to call you all sisters. its crazy to think that i have only known you for a few short months but i love each and everyone of you. i have had some of the best times of my life with you all and am so excited for the future. even though i'm not exactly the ideal party-ier i love going out with you lovely ladies and dancing till the wee hours of the morning and i will continue to do it without being a crazy judgmental christian.

but i would be a horrible friend and even worst sister if i never told you why i am the way i am. i love Jesus with everything in me. my father is manic-depressant and we had a horrible relationship when i was growing up. i never knew what having a man love me felt like or even what it meant to be cared for by my father. i never had sex but i would do anything to make guys like me. i would be whoever or say whatever just to get their attention even if it was just for a split second. i settled for guys i didnt even really like just because they looked at me. after a horrible break-up i went to church camp and met Jesus. while i was off looking for somebody to love me God was just waiting with His arms wide to me. its not just a good feeling or i was good enough for Him. i was wretched sinner and an awesome God sent His son to take on all my sin and die in my place just so He could have a relationship with me. when i accepted Jesus as my savior i changed completely. when God sees me He no longer sees broken Amanda, He sees perfect and whole Jesus. He loves me completely and nothing i can ever do will change His love.

but here is the cool part, He loves you with the same relentless love. you don't have to do anything to deserve it, heck you don't even need to go to church. all you have to do is accept His love and give Him your live. that sounds like a lot but when you think of all He did for you, your life won't ever be enough. i just want you to know His love and feel His presence. He longs to be close to you and has an amazing plan for each and everyone of your lives.

hopefully me saying this doesn't change anything, i just had to get it out there. know i am praying for you and believe in you. i think you are some of the best girls in las vegas and are going to do unreal things in your life that i can't wait to see!

love you all,

the things I've learned since going greek.

2009-12-12T16:15:00.000-08:00

- never be on time to a party
- when its a themed dress-up social, don't go all out
- there is always a seat for me in the Student Union
- don't worry about buying to much sigma kappaness, there are always will downs
- always take your planner to formal meetings
- music makes a party
- heels are hot but they kill at 1am
- anything you say after 12am will not be remembered
- start times are usually an hour later than was stated
- there is no feeling like wearing sigma kappa letters
- I'm a lot stronger than I thought
- just because you signed up for beer pong doesn't mean you'll get to play
- sometimes you can meet a girl and it feels like you have known her your whole life
- greek is the best show on television

the semester.

2009-12-11T00:45:00.000-08:00

today was my first official day of winter break and it had me thinking about this semester.

quite possibly the best one yet at UNLV. I rushed a sorority, decided what I'm going to go to school for, and met some of the best girls in the world.

but...

quite possibly the hardest time of my personal life. My best friend moved away, I moved back home, got an increase in job description, and a have worked what seemed like everyday.

but...

God is good. Man oh man is He good!

the guy.

2009-12-09T22:25:00.000-08:00

so there's this guy...

usually nothing good starts with that but oh well I want to talk today about a boy. He is a frat boy (leave your comments to yourself) and I basically have a fatty crush on him. But what makes me like him more is that he is soooooooooooooo not interested. Like I know I'm no supermodel (well I think so but you have to be honest with yourself when it comes to the opposite sex) (oh and please don't comment about my looks, I'm just trying to be real and I'm okay with this) but come on! I think we have gone to school together since like forever but we've never been close because he is hot and cool and I was kind of a loser (yeah I was) but now that we are both greek... I've noticed him. But as much as I have tried to be my normal fun Amanda, he could care less! I don't understand it! I am really cool and a lot deeper and interesting than most people and he acts like I don't exist. :( I guess I'll just have to go back to Christians ignoring me.

Maybe he is gay. But oh so good looking! Darn.

the kiss.

2009-12-08T22:40:00.000-08:00

don't get too excited. there is no addition to my love life...yet.

But I do have a pretty amazing God. In the book Captivating, the author talks about how God is captivated with us and one way she talks about that is that God kisses us. Not literally but the ways that He does something that is just for us and makes us feel His unreal love for us.

Tonight after a long day of studying and then playing mom I was walking out to my car and looked up to see the most unreal sky of stars in my life. It was beautifully breathtaking and I almost cried. I was so overwhelmed by how much He loves me.

Thank you Jesus for Your incredible love. I don't know how I would get through each day without knowing that He is pursuing me and writing all my days.

Tell me your stories of God kissing you!

the tire.

2009-12-07T20:46:00.001-08:00

I was on my way to my first final of the semester when I hit a pot hole and blew a tire. yay!

(the really ironic part of the story is that the song that was on the radio at the time was saying "this is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it")

Mr. Barry and Dustin came to the rescue to put on the spare and I made it to school on time but I didn't stay calm with out a LOT of prayer. When stuff happens to my car I flip. Its the one thing I rely on the most but it seems to be the one thing I mess up the most. When Mr. Barry saw my tires he decided I needed new ones so after my final I went to Discount Tire to replace all four. Talk about God working everything out for my good. It took me blowing one tire to get 4 new ones and while it stinks and I'll have to buy them, they are needed and it will be okay. Things have a way of working themselves out especially when you let the God of the universe write your days.

...this is the day that You have made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!

God is good.

the confession.

2009-12-06T18:02:00.000-08:00

At our friday night leaders meeting Pastor Jabin shared a great word out of Matthew 25 about the talents. He talked about our confessions for 2010.

I want my confession for 2010 to be that I have something.

I have something to give, to receive, to do, to share, to love, to keep, to be, to learn, to pray.

2010 is going to be the year complaining leaves my life. Enough with what I don't have or want. I have something and I am so thankful for it and want to do exactly what God has for me right now.

What is your confession for this next year?

the store.

2009-12-05T21:28:00.000-08:00

the second and fourth weekend of every month our church opens the store. we give away pallets full of household items, tables full of clothes and boxes of food all for absolutely free. its a huge task that Pastor Henry, myself and our amazing team take on. Honestly the team God has set up amazes me, they work so hard, put in so many unpaid hours and do it all with an unreal attitude.

we hand out tickets to ensure that everyone goes through the line according to when they arrived (think dmv numbers) so this morning at 6:30 one of our maintenance man handed out number to 35 people. the store doesn't even open till 2!! one thought of ours was that if people get a number they could leave and then come back at 12. nope. they stayed all day till we opened. it amazing me that we get so many people that will stand in line all day for necessities.

but here is what was really amazing about todays store. some of our prayer team walked through the line to offer prayer to anyone who wanted it and....

4 PEOPLE GAVE THEIR HEARTS TO JESUS!

how cool is that?! it makes its all worth it. heck it makes everything i do worth it.

i love God.

the savior.

2009-12-04T23:47:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for Jesus. Man I can't even imagine what my life would be like without Him.

Actually I can.

No joke I think I would be a dancer or work at hooters or something like that. Not that that is the worst thing in the world or anything I just love the attention of men. I love how it feels to be desired even if it is just my body (sorry if this is too real for anyone) I would probably be super indepentent and act like I don't need a man or even wanted one but on the inside I would be screaming for attention and love. I would most definetly drink and often just to forget about life. I don't know if I would be on school or even still live at home since I would probably have a totally different group of friends. I would probably be just as loud and crazy but I would get really crazy I think and probably get in mad bar fights (hmm I should do that at least once in my life.)

This is why I can hang out with the girls I do. I am one decision away from them, how can I judge or be jerk?

This is why I'm so thankful for my God and His amazing love for me. Without Him I would be a bitter, angry mess. Heck I could even be dead. But that God for grace and His mercy that is new everyday. That is what I want for all my friends. I just want them to experience the amazing love of Christ. That they don't have to do anything to earm it or have to get their act together, He just loves us.

Oh how He loves!

the bicycle.

2009-12-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine just sent me this and it is too good to keep to myself!

AMANDA'S STORY - A Bicycle Built for Two

''My heart's desire was for a shiny, perfect, purple bicycle, but God had it in His heart to use that longing to give me much, much more...''
I had walked past that storefront window countless times. There it was-a shiny, purple, and perfect new bicycle.
There are just some things that all children want, and I was no exception. Oh, the things I could do with that beautiful new bike! I thought.
My father was a pastor, and our family did not have a lot of money, so I decided to save my allowance and odd-job money to buy myself the bicycle. Every week I walked past the store to see ''my'' beautiful purple bike.
I worked hard to save my money and kept praying that God would bring me what I wanted.
One day during Sunday school, my teacher talked about a missionary family in need. She told us about the horrible sickness this family was enduring. Reading from a letter written by the family, she told the class about the little boy who had contracted hepatitis, most likely from a typhoid shot he had received in Chile. All week I thought about that little boy far away in Chile. The next Sunday my teacher asked us what we should do to help this little boy. All the children decided he could really use a brand new bike. That would cheer him up for sure! I remember my heart almost stopping. I said, ''Oh no, God, not my bike!'' But then I knew I had to give my bike money to my teacher so it could help that little boy in Chile get a bike.
One week later, I gave my money to the teacher.
Many years later in college, I began praying that God would send me a godly husband. My father was still a pastor and was also teaching at a local Baptist college. When I went home for Christmas vacation one year, I met Philip at my father's church. Philip was attending the Baptist college where my father taught. In fact, he was in his class.
Not long after my Christmas break, I decided to transfer to this same college. I got to know Philip better since my college roommate was engaged to his best friend, and my parents and Philip's parents were also friends.
Our first date was on Valentine's Day. It soon became obvious that we were made for each other. We decided to get married. I didn't know then just how God-ordained our relationship was.
One evening, after both our families had eaten dinner together, Philip's mom started reminiscing about their missionary days and what life was like on the field with small children. She shared about a time in Chile when the whole family had been terribly sick and how Philip had come down with hepatitis, presumably from a typhoid shot. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! My fiance was the little boy that I had given up my bike money for! He was the very one who God had put on my heart to help! I had to leave the room because I was so emotional. I just could not stop crying. God had been so good to me. My heart's desire was for a shiny, perfect, purple bicycle, but God had it in His heart to use that longing to give me much, much more--a godly husband who He had ordained from the very beginning.
Philip and I now have three grown children and have been married for twenty-nine years. We know in our hearts and hold onto the fact that God made us for each other and planned it that way before even time began.
''And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life.''
(Matthew 19:29 NLT)

the one.

2009-12-03T19:08:00.000-08:00

dear love-

i miss you. i feel like i'm being pulled in every direction but your direction is the only one i wanna go in. i love all the things i am a part of but i worry that they are pulling me away from you. God is shaping me and growing me up I just hope its into the women you want to marry. i pray against anything that may be keeping us from each other. i so wish i could watch a movie with you or go on a late night adventure to wal-mart or text you all day about the crazy things that happen and laugh so hard our stomachs hurt. i'm praying for the day we meet that when we see each other we both know in that instant that we are looking into the eyes of our future, that we are having that first moment, the moment that changes everything and will never happen again. i was thinking the other day about you and how you are going to have such a heart for the lost but are going to go about it in the best way every. you are going to be able to go to parties with me and just love people no matter what, i have a feeling that that is what i will like most about you. i love you so much already i can't even imagine what it will be like to call you mine. i pray you are growing and falling more and more in love with Jesus everyday.

baby run.

- yours

the testimony.

2009-12-02T21:56:00.000-08:00

Today was my little sisters birthday. I can't believe she is 11... where does time go? We went to dinner at Chapalas and me and her got to sip virgin margaritas like the classy ladies we are!

Monday's and Wednesday's are school days for me and usually I do a ton of thinking or realize crazy stuff about myself.

- outfits look better in my closet mirror than on UNLV's campus...its weird.

- i'm a baby when it comes to the cold

- i hate being told what to do or corrected for being myself, is that just me?

- lady gaga is amazing!

- i don't think guys like short hair on girls

I also thought a lot my testimony. Someone said once to me that I wouldn't go to hell for having alcohol before I'm 21 and while it is a totally true statement, I still won't drink. Everybody and their mom has been nervous about me being in this sorority and that I'm going to get pulled away from God and basically turn into a idiot dancing on tables (while I do want to dance on tables, I will be totally sober and am a crappy dancer so it will be more funny than anything.) I get their concern but its also kind of an insult. Don't you know me? Haven't you seen me over the years? If I'm know for anything its that I don't falter or shake. I know who I am and won't let a group of girls change that. Because I have a testimony and even though drinking won't send me to hell, it will ruin my testimony. That is way more precious and valuable to me than what some people think of me. So yeah I'll go to parties and dance and talk to everyone and have the best time ever but I won't compromise. Its just not how I roll. I was the joy that was set before Jesus on that cross and I'm not going to make Him regret it :)

Sorry about the rant but I just had to get that out there ;)

p.s. I'm Sigma Kappa's new Social Chair... eat your hearts out!

the new year.

2009-12-01T18:10:00.001-08:00

2009 has flown by or I slept through a very large portion of it... either way it is almost 2010.

Maybe because that number is hard to wrap my mind around or because I'm mildly depressed... I've decided to write every day till 2010 (or the whole month of december.)

So I will try to write again later on for today but I would love for you to join me on this journey. commit to do something this month: workout everyday, write, just something to finish off oh nine in style.

I have a feeling we have a big year ahead of us!

the reinvention of the date.

2009-11-23T20:26:00.000-08:00

I know its a bit big but go big or go home!

Lets bring back the date.

You know when a guy thinks a girl is cute and interesting and wants to get to know her more. To do this he doesn't just text her 24/7 but he grows the balls, risks rejection and asks her out.

Maybe I'm a little biased but I would LOVE this. Lets go to dinner and a movie and just talk! No commitment, no needing to change your facebook status, just a date!

This way you are just getting to know people without getting your heartbroken or superly involved with someone. Sure it could turn into something but it should start as just a date. Heck! You could have 3 a week! Why not?

What do you all think? I want to hear your thoughts!!!

the letters.

2009-11-08T23:04:00.000-08:00

today was initiation.

I went from new member to sister.

I was entrusted with secrets and ritual that has been passed on since our founding sisters. maybe I'm a nerd but I thought that was just the coolest thing ever! part of being initiated was that now we can wear letters. they are much more than greek letters. they represent everything we stand for as a sorority and everything we hope to grow into one day and I can't wait to rock mine tomorrow.

its weird how you can fall in love with 100 college girls. i have known my pledge class for almost a semester and i can't imagine my life without them. Jordan and her infections love for life, I am serious, knowing this girl has been the best and I can't wait for our memories to come, Jessica and her willingness to try new things, Sam and her cute littleness that just makes me want to put her in my pocket, Juliana and her sweet dance moves, Leatt and her Canadaness, Shari and her headbands, Ceyda and her stunning eyes, Ariel and her amazing personality with killer looks too, Jackie and her back tattoo, China and her sweet sweet heart, Jessica and her legit workout schedule, Olivia and her lisp, Ellie and her girls, Farah and her gorgeous hair, Lindsey and how she can make my abs kill from laughing, Michelle and her amazing beauty, Jazmin and how much she loves Sigma Kappa and the list goes on and on! All of my sisters are strong, beautiful, hard-working girls that just amaze me. They all have such great dreams in them and its so exciting to me to know that I will see those dreams come true in there lives. (if you are not in this list don't think i hate you or something I just have to be up early tomorrow and can't write all night but I love you Alpha Mu!)

and then my favorite sigkap, Jennifer Nadler. This girl has not only looks that would make any guy weak in the knees but then has this personality that makes you want to talk to her for hours and it feel only like moments! She is my big and when we are together I feel like I'm with me in two years, I just love her and couldn't have asked for a better big sister!

I know I will be a different girl after my years in Sigma Kappa. I will know what it is like to love based on nothing more than the fact that we are sisters and truly amazing girls. They will be the girls in my wedding, that I go out to bingo with, have coffee with after dropping off the kids, and keep in touch with years to come.

"...then I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me forever, for the good of them and their children after them."

-Jeremiah 32:39

the Jesus style.

2009-10-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

Later, Levi invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. (There were many people of this kind among Jesus’ followers.) But when the teachers of religious law who were Pharisees saw him eating with tax collectors and other sinners, they asked his disciples, “Why does he eat with such scum?”

When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

- Mark 2:15-17

Can I just say I love this passage of scripture!?

So I'm a new member of Sigma Kappa... its crazy to me how much I already love these ladies and how incredible bummed I am that I didn't join sooner... stupid stereotypes!

Last night was serenades. I had no idea what that was but was just excited to be with my girls and not studying for a test or working! Serenades is a long standing Greek tradition where the fraternity men (mostly new pledges) choreograph a dance or sing to the soroities. We all snuggled up by the rec center and the men came to us. I spent my night staring at this...

Yeah, it was amazing. Some of the guys were true gentleman and sang sweet songs to us with Sigma Kappa in it but as the night went on the shirts began to come off. (Hallelujah its rainin' men!) In case you don't know me I'm a little loud and am not afraid to act a fool and so I was screaming and cheering and just had a ball! But they begin to get a bit raunchier and lap dances and grinding was going on and it was a bit much, even for me! It was definitely not what I am used to by so I just scooted further back and just took it all in.

The last group was too much though. All of us new girls were sitting on the floor and the guys were practically giving lap dances laying down (something i didn't even know was possible!) I tried to run away didn't quite get away before Danny (who I met after) attacked. It was so awkward. Like I can't even begin to tell you how horrible it was. And the worst part was the only thing I kept thinking it please don't let anyone take a picture of this and post it to facebook!

Sidenote: I don't know what gets girls going about those!

Being thrusted on just kinda hurt and I like kissing

so I was bored more than anything.

I'm sure I'll be all for my husband but the only

part I liked was when a guy had nice chest, what

can I say? There was this one guy...omg I

could wash my clothes on his abs, I couldn't believe it!

But why was I so nervous about a picture? You can't tell my heart in a picture. You can't tell it was breaking watching guys look at the girls I love like meat. I had a ball last night but not because some guy danced on me. I had a ball because I was with my girlfriends and I was Amanda, not a leader or a role model (don't get me wrong, I'm not an idiot when I'm with them, its just nice to not have any of the responsibilities that I normally do. What was so cool about last night is I know Jesus still loves me. I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't need any liquid courage, I didn't need to get asked to dance by every guy, heck nobody could have talked to me and I still would have enjoyed myself.

Jesus is with us in the crap. He was right with me last night loving the crap out of my sisters.

Christians want to judge but Christ wants to love!

the best part about being single.

2009-09-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

This blog has been all over the place in my love life (do you have a love life even when its non-existent?)

Lately I've been thinking about all the exciting things about being single besides giving out your phone number anytime you want, I don't know why I just think that is fun. For instance I bought perfume this weekend. How cool is it to think that this scent is how he will smell me. Like he won't know about me wearing Curious or Diesel, he will just know Burberry The Beat. I just think thats cool. Or I chopped off all my hair and I LOOOOVVVEEEE it so he will know me with short hair and be crazy about it.

But really the coolest part of being single is dreaming. Like I can still wonder about what he will look like or act like or want to do with his life. I'm a big list girl. I write to-do lists like there is no tomorrow, I have a husband list, and recently I got a little more specific about that one.

Being single everyone asks you what your type is... breathing. Ok so maybe I have a little bit more of a type than that but when I start to go into it people also jump in and are like God will change your eyes when you meet him or you don't want to have too high of expectations. Um yes you do! So I wrote out a what-I-want-him-to-look-like list. Nothing crazy like he has to have green eyes with a freckle 20 degrees south of his nose but just what I like. I don't take the list around and measure people up to it but it does keep me from settling. Sure I am going to be interested in different people but I only want to be crazy about him.

If we believe God do do crazy huge things like save this generation I don't think its too much to expect my husband to be a hottie in v-necks.

the awesome girl.

2009-09-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks to t his sweet little lad y for this blog award:

Which requires 10 useless/interesting facts about me:

1. I worry about the growing out stages of my hair, so I don't think it will ever be long again which makes me worried about my wedding day, how do I make short hair look sophisticated and glamorous?

2. I have to have my hand on my stomach to fall asleep.

3. I feel more like myself in front of a video camera, its weird.

4. I wish I had more time to scrapbook, heck I wish I had more time.

5. Today I had lunch with Markus and I swear he is the most good-looking man my eyes have ever seen.

6. I would get implants in a heartbeat if the funds were available.

7. When I sing in the car I totally make facial expressions like I'm in a music video.

8. I could walk around a mall all by myself all day and not buy anything and be totally content.

9. The thing that I look the most forward to about getting married is being able to say goodnight and roll over.

10. I have a list of what I want my husband to look like? Is that bad? I think not :)

If you read this I think you are awesome!! Repost and enjoy!

the b90x.

2009-09-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

So one of the things on my Bucket List is to read the whole Bible and in less than 90 days I'll be able to cross this off.

All we are doing is reading straight through it but I am convinced that God speaks differently when we carve out time to just get with Him. I have read Genesis before but man oh man I have been enthralled!

Like first of all our God is so awesome that all He had to do was speak and the heavens and the earth was created. Dope! Then He just loves us. We mess up. He cleans it up and just keeps loving us!! Whoever said that the God of the Old Testament is a hater and pouring out wrath needs to reread! He continually makes a way for us and most of the guys in Genesis weren't even repentant. They were sleeping with their parents, killing each other, sneaky, dishonest, man whores and God continues to bless them. Sure He wipes out entire peoples with floods and destroys cities but considering their mess-ups that is nothing!

Oh and if you want to feel good about your life read about Joseph! Man that guy was done wrong, and by his own family but He still sees God at work! Good stuff... now to Exodus!

the bread.

2009-09-06T23:17:00.000-07:00

Let me start this blog by saying the last three weeks have be the best hardest, loneliest, stretching, emotional weeks of this year. My bff kathiter moved, I moved home, my boss got an upgrade, my heart broke for UNLV, and I haven't slept much. With that said, me being lonely is the understatement of the century.

It's not even the lonely that makes you want to hang out with people its the kind of lonely that makes me pray and long for my husband more. Like I got a text on Saturday and was called beautiful and it almost made me mad because I don't want that. Ok I'm pretty. Who cares?! I want someone to hold my hand, put their arms around me, believe in me, pray for me, see that I'm at my breaking point and take me to a movie, basically I just want a partner. Someone to walk through all this with.

This weekend at church we started a new series, "I AM," going over the seven "I AM" statements that Jesus made about HImself. To kick it off, Pastor Benny went over I am the Bread of Life. (I'm telling you, listen to the Saturday night service, it will bless you!) “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35

The thing that really got me was when Jesus said that if we come to Him we will never be hungry or thirsty again. Do we really believe that or do we think that when this happens I'll be happy or when I met them I'll be good? Is He really enough for me? Do I let Him be enough for me?

I was talking to Kathleen about all this today and she said it so well, "don't you feel like you get there and then you slip, you have that contentment and then you lose it?" YES!! But I don't think its like we run to other things for that contentment, I think our normal hunger for companionship just rises up. But thank God I have a friend that sticks closer than a brother, a God will never leave nor forsake me.

I'm praying that I start to feel HIm like a constant embrace, that I would feast on the Bread of Life and be satisfied, that its His strength I am operating in and then its His arms I get to rest in. And I'm praying for him. Dude, I don't know what you have to do still to get to me but hurry, baby run!!!

the pledge.

2009-09-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

I pledge to love people like Jesus.

Before you freak out about this conservatives, listen.

Its actually pretty good.

Trust me I'm not going to get a hope tattoo

on my arm and pledge to Obama

but I am a bit upset that most Christians

don't even do most of these things.

Things to think about.

the first week home.

2009-08-29T21:34:00.000-07:00

here are some of the highlights of my first week back home...

- had five marvelous home-cooked meals

- bought a fierce dress

- was bit in the foot by mr. barrys ferocious beast, Shadow

- had sushi with mom and barry

- chopped off all of my hair

- got an awesome deal on my books for this semester

- forgot to knock and walked in on mr. barry in bed...awkward

- had to start wearing clothes around the house

- baby-sat at the mansion again, it had been way too long and i missed them

- realized I'm freakin' hilarious or that is just what my moms laugh makes me feel :)

- hugged Markus

- have missed Kathleen more than I can put into words

- have reached the point of exhaustion

...I'm adjusting :)

the first day of school.

2009-08-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

Even though I am a 20-year-old college junior I still love the first day of school. Ok maybe not love it but I still get excited for it. I woke up this morning with butterflies in my stomach and changed my clothes like 4 times. I was late and basically just a nervous wreck! But then I got to my first class, Contemporary Families, and can I tell you that that class was made for me!!! I am so stoked for it! Then I go to piano... So excited for that. But as I am walking around campus I was listening to this song called 'The Lost Get Found' by Britt Nicole and I just got pumped about this next semester. Like hello!! I'm going to be around hundreds and thousands of unsaved students. And I'm not alone!!! Like 10 of us from seven are on campus. Can anyone say TAKEOVER?!? I'm stoked. Zac Gandara preached an unreal message at conference about how we are to just simply love. The biggest call on my life isn't to preach, isn't to speak to young girls, isn't to speak at marriage conferences, it is simply to love. Thats all! I am just to be God with skin on to UNLV students and help them to see the unreal grace that God has made available to us. That is huge. Then there was the first Markus sighting of the semester... mmmm. That kinda killed the flow of this blog but I just have to keep record of everything :)

Now I just need God ideas for how to reach twenty-somethings at a college in Sin City... Ideas?

the conference.

2009-08-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

holy!

I don't know why I didn't expect it to be life changing. I mean we have been fasting the last 40 days, passionately praying every monday night, and planning it for months, but I guess I just thought it would be for the students, not me. But let me tell you what! I am not the same person as I was last Tuesday. Cool feeling.

(I'm going to talk about something in this blog that might cause some of you to flip out. I would have flipped out too if I hadnt seen it first hand so just relax.)

The Church at South Las Vegas had its annual youth conference, Dedicated. We have all been pumped about it for months but ever since we started praying on Monday nights we have just been convinced that it would be unreal. Pastor Wendy kicked it off on Wednesday night talking about Loving God, Loving Yourself, and Loving Others. GREAT kick-off night! Ministry time was great and I was just stoked. Thursday night was the jam. Pastor Benny preached an unreal message about our bounce-back ability as Christ-followers. I'm telling you, alter time at this confernece was off the chain!

I loved God telling me, "Go pray for her," "Tell her this about Me," "She needs this." Anyway so it is just this awesome worship and ministry time and we are all starting to tear down for the night and this girl asked me to pray for her friend. I know these girls pretty well so no worries. Well, I start praying and she starts screaming. For all my non-pentacostal readers... Thats usually a sign that a person is manifesting. Oh crap! I have never cast out demons! Sure I've heard about it, learned what to do about it, read about it but never have been a part of it. Hallelujah that there is more power in just the name of Jesus alone that you just take authority in it and everything that is not of God must flee. Jesus already won that battle for us on the cross of calvary 2000 years ago. So that is what we start doing. Thankfully some awesome sisters had joined me by now and we were just going at it. Well fast forward two hours later, we have to get the girl home so on her way home she accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior and was delivered and we all felt like we ran a marathon.

I have NEVER felt the presence of God more in my whole 20 years of breathing air on this planet. I literally felt Him like a blanket around me. It was unreal. I used to think oh that isn't real, that really doesn't happen, it was in the Bible but it doesn't happen now. NO WAY! Hollywood tries to figure all this out and make horrid movies about it so we are all desensitized to the supernatural, but after Thursday night I am ruined.

I serve, belong to, worship, love, was adopted by a BIG God! He is powerful. Like the holy-crap-my-brain-can't-even-imagine-the-power-in-His-right-pinky-nail. And we try to keep Him in this only Sunday morning leads you to not swear God. His ways are higher, His love is deeper, He is BIGGER.

It was soooo awesome to be so tired you can't see straight but see that God is moving. Young people were being called into ministry, healed of heartbreak, delivered from addiction, overwhelmed by the unbelievable love of God and lives were changed.

This sums it up...

the change.

2009-08-09T22:39:00.000-07:00

So I'll start by saying this is incredibly humbling to write this... I'm moving home.

Kathleen got this unreal opportunity to go to probably the best Christian college in the nation... Regent University for the fall semester and mom said I could move home so... After many months of stressing about money and much prayer... I'm moving home.

I'm nervous to live with my mom and her new husband but I'm also so excited to not think about money 24/7 anymore. It's going to be a great season and I just know that this summer was the best growing/learning experience of my life.

So who knows maybe know I will move right from my house to my husbands...

the (500) days of summer.

2009-08-09T21:22:00.000-07:00

Ok loved this movie! great cinematography, way artsy and the type of movie that makes you think for the next 48 hours about life and love. All of my favorite things.

I don't want to give you a full synopses of the movie or spoil it for you because I think you should see it but I will share the revelation I had during it, because you know I have one in every movie I see!!

Tom meets Summer and is pretty sure she is the one. They start "dating" but she doesn't like labels so they are never boyfriend and girlfriend. They are talking in one scene and the audience sees how great a couple they are but her fears are holding her back from what would be an unreal relationship.

This got me to thinking...

I love where I am right now. I'm sure you guys are sick of me saying that but its my life so whatev! I just am confident and like looking at boys and it doesn't matter if anyone tells me... I feel loved and beautiful and I'm smiling. But I'm also scared.

My bestest friend in the whole wide world got her heartbroken recently. I have been through lots of breakups and everyone always said "Just think... You are going to be able to speak to those who are going through heartbreak" Well news flash!!! I have had NO FLIPPIN' IDEA what to say to her. I kept thinking of all the lame stuff people told me and how I hated the advice. So I have stayed quite and just hugged her. But all this has made me totally not want to put my heart out there for anyone to potentially break it.

Which is why when in the movie you see Summer put up walls I just kept seeing myself doing the same thing. I want to guard my heart but I'm just worried that the right guy will be right in front of me but I'll be too scared to jump.

So I have an idea... God woke me up out of bed to pray for my husband one night in April. I pray for and write to him all the time but I have never been soo burdened to pray for him so I woke up and wrote the prayer. So from now on I have to know what he was doing on April 29th... thats how I'll know.

All this to say... good movie, go see it! :)

the travis box.

2009-07-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty ordinary.

I kept everything he ever given me... forming the Travis box.

Tonight I came across some pictures of him on facebook...crap! He was in these pictures with his cute wife and she was smiling loving life and there he is in the background with his arms crossed and straight faced. I realized that that would have been my life...I don't know how he doesn't think of me in Silverado's gymnasium or in that leather jacket or when it's 1:43.. I don't know how he does it but I'm so glad thats not my life. As much as it hurts and I just want to go punch him for hurting me and now hurting this sweet girl I would not go back! Actually I went to the trash. Yep I took all of his notes and sweatshirt and gifts and chucked em! I don't need them. The past is dead and gone and I only want to lay my eyes on new notes. New Love.

Take that suckah.

the room.

2009-07-19T23:49:00.000-07:00

I will post some of the whole house soon but for now... my room.

...and thats clean... hey I'm a college student!

Who needs a headboard with this kind of creativity!

The finished product!

the Chili's waiter.

2009-07-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

One night after seven a bunch of us went out to dinner at Chilis. As a joke I left my name and number on a napkin for the waiter. Well little did I know I was beginning to pray the biggest prayer of my life. Let me explain.

The next day I get a text from Ferdinand (names have been changed to protect the innocent) I was shocked that he actually got my number and was texting me! So we chatted and he is a funny guy and we end up going out for lunch the next week. He learned all about my life, job, and Jesus. We hung out a few more times and he met all my friends and next thing you know he is in our group. Much to my surprise we talked a lot about Jesus.

My favorite thing to do is tell people who have no idea who Jesus is or what He did about Him. The questions they ask are great and I see all over again how awesome the Gospel truly is. So I was loving it and totally overwhelmed with the fact that God is going to save this guy and that I get to see him meet his Savior. That is freakin' cool.

So on the Forth of July we went to my girlfriend's boyfriends house to watch the fireworks and on the way home we were talking and I said something about when my mom and I were saved and he asked what that was... (what a question) so I told him about Jesus and what He did on the cross for him and his next question made my heart race... "do I need to get saved" I said yes. We all were born with a sinful nature, separated from God but Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection made that connection possible again. At this point I am thinking that we are going to be praying next... he is accepting Christ tonight! But his next words have been resounding in my head ever since.

"That's awesome, but its not for me."

Are you serious? If a free gift of salvation and unfailing love isn't for you, then what is? We changed the subject but I just couldn't get that out of my head. I asked him later on what he meant by it and he said he was just glad that I found something that made me happy but it wasn't for him... so crazy. But it just made me pray harder. Satan couldn't have him. It was too evident that God had set this whole thing and I was believing for his salvation.

One night I got a text from him saying that he is watching The Church on tv. He watched the whole episode and text me that Pastor Benny kicks his dogs.. great that was what he remembered. Well I don't know if it was that or the fact that I was on Church News but something got him to church this weekend. He actually came, sat, listened, and participated and after I got a text that said:

"I never thought I would but I enjoyed church"

I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe God's faithfulness. He actually liked it!!! Pastor Benny is doing a Locker Room to talk to the guys and Ferdinand is stoked for it. That night he text me that none of his coworkers could believe that he went to church and liked it! I told him to just bring them with him the next time he comes. What a crazy chain reaction of grace that would be?!

This whole thing is just blowing my mind and gets me so excited for the fall when Markus gets home... God is going to do such a great thing! I have never been so prayerful and broken-hearted over the lost, until I met these guys. There is just so much potential in them and too much of God's presence that they need to experience!

I'll keep you updated and keep checking in for reports of life-change :)